Apr 13 2008

Contact Us

Published by

Kian Harris

24 Lincoln Road
PE25 2XY
United Kingdom


29 responses so far

29 Responses to “Contributors”

  1. Aon 19 Apr 2008 at 5:59 pm


    have you just started this blog? This seems really interesting and promising!

    Who are you and what do you do, if I may ask?

    I am a bi guy, not really out but not ashamed at all. 31, grad/med student in Cambridge MA. Pretty sexual and with a sexual past of “have had sex with more guys than girls but have had much more sex with girls than with guys”.

    Exploring male bisexuality is really NEEDED. I ll be happy to help.

    wrte me some lines on you, if you can. i ll be happy to exchange further.


  2. Michaelon 21 Aug 2008 at 5:14 pm

    Can I recommend a topic? I’d like to know how most bi guys feel about shemales? As in would they have sex with them, date one, ever desire to become one, ect.

    Lately I’ve had a real attraction to shemales, some of them look really hot and I think part of my attraction stems from some inner desire to want to try it out myself, without really trying it out forever. I don’t think I ever would, but some of these ladyboys look just like women with the only difference being well.. you know.

    I think part of my desire lately also stems from the fact that my current girlfriend is having vagina difficulties lately. Pain, bleeding, discomfort, that area can be really sensitive and even if we can be understanding as guys, it’s kind of depressing when you can’t get it because she either isn’t enjoying it or going through something at the moment.

  3. bithewayon 21 Aug 2008 at 6:08 pm

    Sorry to hear your girlfriend’s not well Michael, hope she gets well soon.

    I think your feelings about transsexuals are perfectly healthy. I mean what guy wouldn’t want a pair of tits for the day? I’d never leave the house if I had a rack of my own.

    Probably a bad idea to get a pair then. I’d never get any work done. :D

    Seriously though, I think a lot of people would think that a pre-op (or no-op) M2F Transsexual would be on paper at least a bisexual man’s dream. The realities however, I suspect would be very different, female hormones don’t do much for the male libido.

    What’s more we’re predisposed to talk about transsexuals in terms of “Shemales” and “Ladyboys” which is a result of conditioning by the porn industry, it leads us to rather selfishly assume that transsexualism is about sex when really its about gender.

    In my rather limited real-world experience Transsexuals do not want to be identified as hemaphrodite sex-objects but instead are trying to gain acceptance as a member of the gender they self-identify with.

  4. christianon 13 Sep 2008 at 5:05 pm

    just want to second what several folks here have already shared, which is a big thank you, to you.

    i am a 36 year old bisexual male living in the states a professional in the arts, and i have essentially lived a life of utter ups and downs of self confidence – that i know i am real, and self doubt – that i am not so sure my feeling are real, that perhaps i am another false bi statistic that most straight/gay people want to keep believing – that i get ground down under the endless pressure that one is only 100% gay or 100% straight. and bisexuality is: an amalgam of every negative stereotype, that we have all heard a million times.

    it still amazes me that in this day and age that we live in, there is such a strong hold to cling to a binary mindset about most issues of the human experience. it is ultimately politics that require this kind of black/white either/or attitude, due to the fact that for so many years non-heterosexuals have had to assert that they in fact are real into the world – it could be argued that political movements require one-liner slogans that are definite and black/white(i simply frame how i can see that the fluid nature of a bisexual identity may be inconvenient within a political movement that is trying to assert its reality to the straight world. a straight world that is having a hard enough time grasping homosexuality, and perhaps can accept it if it becomes the same mainstreamed mirror of its own image – life in the burbs w/ marriage and kids perhaps).

    but it amazes me how predictable the human condition is to want to repeat itself (the revolutionaries will become the next oppressors, and on and on). the fact that so much of, what i will call “main stream gay” culture is repeating the very cycle of; denial, rejection and suppression of bisexuality – that they themselves had to endure and break through.
    i do believe the ‘sexual liberation’ civil rights movement, was about “SEXUAL LIBERATION” not conformity to yet another codified identity.

    what makes it so incredibly painful, at times only, to be bisexual, is that there is always this sense deep down that maybe it is all false, because you are constantly seeking others who are like you. you are constantly looking for the image in the world to verify your experience, and it is simply not there. there are very few positive open male bisexual role models, which makes it tough. and as you blogged, you become tough and independent minded to survive.

    sadly, male bisexuality as an identity has only been demonized in our pop culture, when in fact it has always been there from the beginning of humanity. it is a fact, as you point out that it has always been present in the animal kingdom as having had expressions in almost every culture within every continent throughout human civilization. sexuality never comes and goes, but the ‘fashions’ of sexuality go in and out of style from era to era.

    i only carry on and hope that eventually there will be enough critical mass of people who are visible that it will truly appear that we are in fact real and present and prepared to help shift the attitudes of the day and help create a truly sexually liberated world.

    thanks for your blog as it is helpful to me for sure. i live for these moments when i hear a motivated voice that sounds like me. i need that for my psychic health.

    i would be interested in maybe contributing some more writing if you are interested. i will check back later in a few days and see if you would want to contact me about that.

    with kind regards, christian

  5. Edon 16 Nov 2008 at 10:56 am

    Hi bitheway

    I’m also a 29 year old bi guy. I happen to be married to a woman who knows I’m bi and is supportive of it. Contrary to many perceptions (not around here I know, but generally) I am in fact totally bi and totally monogamous. I’m also not trying to “hide” by marrying straight to avoid the difficulties of being bi/gay. That’s all just by way of introduction.

    The point of my comment is to thank you for your excellent reply to Michael. I think that people too quickly overlook that transsexualism isn’t really about sex at all, it really is an issue of gender and gender identity. I’m not transsexual, but know people who are and have been involved in conferences, etc. where the issue came up and this common misconception does a lot to hurt the transsexual movement for acceptance.

    Anyway, just found the blog, happy to have some new reading material on a topic that means a lot to me. I’m also very happy to see that the author is so level headed and respectful.


  6. Peteron 08 Apr 2009 at 11:59 am


    I am so pleased to have read this insightful lpiece of iterature on bisexuality. I think it is time that society as a whole recognises that there are variants to the sexuality continuum. As a blackman I feel that bisexuality is not iin the black community and I feel that it ought to as I don’t think that I am alone on this journey. If I may, I really would like to discuss this with others so that I could gain a better understanding on what motivates me to having a monogomous relationship with a woman but at the same time a desire for a man. I can be contacted if anyone is interested on

    Thanks for reading this blog and I hope to hear from you soon. Peter

  7. KBon 20 May 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Anyone in the UK see the Mirror article today from Matt Lucas about how he’d turn straight for Cheryl Cole and would love to have sex with her?

    An article about closeted bisexuality within the gay community would be very interesting, we all it exists and that a lot of ‘gay’ men are actually bi but simply find it easier to identify as gay

  8. Mikeon 05 Nov 2009 at 1:42 pm

    First of all what an excellent site, I have been looking for something like this for what seems for ever.
    I am a 37 year old man. I tend to go through phases of wanting men which seem to pass. I do think that I am Bi, throughout the last 10 years I have come out twice to friends only to move to another area and forget that this ever happened. I have had sexual contact with men, whom I generally met through either the internet or gay bars. It tends to be that I initiate the sexual contact, perform on them and when I have finished, they generally leave without returning the favour.

    The bsexuality in my life has led me to be very suicidal over a number of years, leaving me virtually bankrupt, under medication and psychiatric supervision on a couple of occasions.

    I aim to get over this but being Bi does not help me meet women. As I want a relationship with women, I feel that I must be honest with them. But where do you find women who are easy dating and living with a Bi male? I intend to start mixing with Bi males again soon and hope that I will find a bi female that I am comfortable with.

    Both are important to me, I want to be with both sexes.

  9. bithewayon 05 Nov 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Mike Wrote: “Where do you find women who are easy dating and living with a Bi male?”

    Well I found one, but I suppose it helps that I’m monogamous. I can go both ways but I stay true to one person at a time.

    Effectively I’m gender-agnostic, which is a fairly uncommon type of male bisexual. But it opens up a broad spectrum of possible relationships.

    Its much harder to find accepting straight women who are happy to let you “go over the dark-side” from time to time. Bisexual women may be more accepting, but you will probably find just as many open minded straight women as like with men, very few women openly identify as bisexual.

  10. Robon 18 Jan 2010 at 12:25 am


    You have a great site. It will take me some time to read through all the posts, but I look forward to it. I’m curious whether you’re still seeking contributors. If so, I’d be interesting in talking to you about being a regular contributor.


  11. Naomion 23 Sep 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Hi bitheway !
    Hope it is not too late to say I would love to write a little something about how bi-girls perceive bi-guys, as I think it is not that common after all, nor easy to cope with…
    I mean as a bisexual myself, I am craving to find a Bi-Male as am sick of being seen as a freak by my BF… not even mentionning the way lesb gals treated me !!
    Could be something quite light, dealing with advantages and drawbacks this kind of relationship could have…
    Please let me know if you’re interested, I would be glad to help !
    Oh, and sorry for my mistakes… am only a Frog after all ;)

  12. bithewayon 23 Sep 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Sure would love to publish a piece from a bi-girl on how you percieve bi-guys, send your submissions to editor[at]bitheway.co.uk

  13. Alexon 26 Oct 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Hello Bitheway,

    I have just discovered your site and read through half an hours worth of posts. It is a relief in one way to find that there are so many bisexual men out there but what a cause of angst it is.

    Being British and in my fifties sex education was largely lacking for me and my realisation of who I am came in my thirties. By which time I was (and still am) happily married with children.

    In common with many on the site I am monogamous and agree totally with those who would not want to run more than one relationship at a time because it is: – deceitful, time consuming, stressful, over-complicated, expensive etc etc and of course there is the risk of ruining the primary relationship.

    I do sometimes wish I was only attracted to women – it would surely reduce the temptation or distraction level but then again it is more interesting being gender neutral in attraction terms. There are twice as many people around to find attractive.

    It does make male friendship a tricky area and I tend to err on the cautious, arms length, British side. I often wish I had some, or just one even, bisexual male friend who I could chat and masturbate with – but where would this lead? Would this sexual contact with them cause guilt and be regarded by my inner self and my wife as betrayal? I need to find this out!

    regards Alex.

  14. Tamaraon 23 Jan 2011 at 10:05 pm

    My husband of 14 years came out as Bi sexual last week, following another crisis talk in our relationship.
    I have long felt that he may be Bi or even Gay, as I have been aware of “Secret” missions, all of which have been denied – even to the extent of telling me I imagine them!!
    Suppose then that I imagine the hoard of Viagra, condoms, sex toys, makeup, handbag and a full wardrobe of womens clothes together with a photo of him in his TV gear? that I recently removed from his secret stash!!
    I feel very insecure, as even now he says it is a phase – but I regret that I don’t believe him. I feel very sorry that he also is struggling with his sexuality and I think that even now he is still coming to terms with who he is.
    However it doesn’t alter the fact that I am his second wife, and he (on reflection) he set out to “trap me” to create a “normal front” and he does not deny that. Our love life has been dire, and as a hot 50+ lady I really feel that now I must move on before he uses me anymore. I have been an excellent cook, cleaner etc etc on his own admission – just not really what he wants when it comes to sex.
    I have been for an STD test I am so worried and I think all you Bi guys who use us girls as above ought to have much more thought for the feelings of those you so sorely abuse emotionally. Tamara

  15. bithewayon 23 Jan 2011 at 10:38 pm


    Before you rush to judge every bisexual man on the planet, there are few things you should consider.

    (1) A fair proportion of heterosexual relationships find the ‘love-life’ department dries up after 14 years, straight people cheat and have affairs too. Everyone craves that bit of excitement in the bedroom and if it isn’t there, then one of two things happen. People endure a sex-less marriage or they cheat. Millions of straight men treat their wives as housekeepers whilst getting their kicks elsewhere. This is not specifically bisexual behaviour.

    (2) Your husband seems to be into a little more than just men, he’s into cross-dressing. Lets be clear, this is not specifically bisexual behaviour either. Most men who cross-dress are actually STRAIGHT! Google it!

    You can watch this video if you don’t believe me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bW61MYk970

    Its quite long but its worth watching because its very informative.

  16. Tamaraon 24 Jan 2011 at 11:02 am

    Thanks for the video – I am going to have to watch it several times as there is so much info.
    However, I would appreciate it if you would enlighten me a little with your view as to the question of “Is my husband Gay?”
    Regarding love life drying up – that certainly isn’t the case for me – its just that he is always making excuses to avoid me – the old head ache joke etc.
    Except it isn’t funny, and I would like a life – a LOVE life not just an existence. I appreciate your comments.

  17. bithewayon 24 Jan 2011 at 11:30 am

    Hi Tamara,

    Honestly I have no idea if your husband is really gay or just bisexual. I’ve never met him or spoke to him, I really don’t have any basis to form an opinion.

    The acid test is whether he has any remaining interest in women and without meaning to be cruel, just because your love life has dried up like the Saharan sands, this does not in itself mean he has lost all interest in women.

    Any sexual interest in women if accompanied by sexual interest in men by definition makes someone bisexual and NOT gay.

    Sorry can’t be any more precise than that.

  18. Tamaraon 24 Jan 2011 at 7:53 pm


    Again thanks for your input – I am still very confused, as the lines of communications have been completely shut down on the Bi/ Gay issue. He thinks that as he has finally “come out” with an orientation, thats it – he has no need to talk to me about it. I am not judgemental, and want to help – as clearly he is having great difficulty accepting it himself. Though having gone through the video again I am fairly sure now that he is a closet Gay – TV
    Possibly the polyamorous option is the only one for us to stay together – as I love him dearly, and he is still very affectionate wanting kisses and cuddles for reassurance.

    I am so glad that I came across your blog – it has been and will no doubt continue to be a great source of reassurance to me. I have shown it to my husband – but he shows no interest.


  19. bithewayon 24 Jan 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Hi Tamara

    Sounds like he is having a tough time dealing with it. You are moving through the stages of acceptance and understanding of your husband’s sexuality far faster than he is.

    Women are naturally better at talking about feelings than men, we have to learn it as an acquired skill and for some of us it takes years. Keep pressing your husband to talk about it, because you need the peace of mind of understanding where he’s at and he needs to know himself better if he is to be happy.

    You might find this takes time, but persist gently. Ask him to talk to you about it when he’s ready. Ask don’t demand! You might be entitled to answers, but if you put it across as a demand you will probably get nothing.

    This will sound horribly unfair, but if you want to save your marriage, you are going to have to be patient, you are going to have to create the environment where your husband feels able to open up and give you the answers you need.

    You see you are at an impasse over this because for him to talk about his sexuality is emotionally painful but for him to leave you without answers is agonising for you. The first person to realise and accept this has to make the running. In this case its you.

  20. Tamaraon 25 Jan 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Agree with all your points, I do realise that I must take my time, and I keep trying to emphasise that I am not going to criticise, I just want the truth, not the constant stream of lies, and counterlies to cover the first one.
    I am very sad because most of our marriage has been a sham, just a “front of normality” for him, and I am sure that I am not alone in this. It is the realisation of the deception that he is living two parallell lives, and one of them totally excludes me. He is impervious to the fact that my hurt and feelings of being used run very deep, and that currently he sees no need to either discuss things or let me into his other world.
    I read another article about bi-sexuality, where some bi-sexual men also have a transvestic fetish – purely for a sexual encounter, they will dress in full female gear, for sex with another male – often a gay male who is submissive. I have ascertained that my husband is “dominant.

  21. Tamaraon 25 Jan 2011 at 9:16 pm

    Hi again
    I ran out of space, this will as you say take some considerable time to understand – for both of us.
    Part of the problem could be his age – 63, when being gay was a crime, and so he deliberately set out during his teens when no doubt he realised he was “different” to hide the fact. I feel very sorry for that, but at the same time he needs to accept that deceiving both me and our children needs to stop.
    Thanks for taking the time to advise, I appreciate it very much.
    Regards Tamara

  22. bithewayon 25 Jan 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Your marriage has only been a ‘sham’ if he never loved you and I don’t read from anything you’ve written that suggests this was the case.

  23. Tamaraon 28 Jan 2011 at 10:21 pm

    He loves me like a mother figure only – he admits never to have “been in love” as he admits the only person he really loves is himself. He IS gay, and says he is afraid that I will leave him – as he now admits I have been used to give him the appearance of a “normal” relationship, and that really hurts. However I am still hanging in to support him for now – but I have to admit for me it is time to move on.
    Thanks for your time and keep up the good work.

  24. Patricioon 27 Mar 2011 at 5:03 pm


    I’ve been reading through your blog and I am both thoroughly impressed and relieved to find a site where I can gain more information about bisexuality from the male perspective as I am one myself. I’ve been through quite a lot since I realised I like guys as well as girls when I was eleven, but I’m not still out of the loop and I would quite like some advice if you can. I’d be very much grateful.

    I am technically out, but not to my parents and there is a reason for it. Even though my family does not hold prejudices against the LGBT community, bar my mum and my brother. I am still uneasy about telling them. I believe that they may not be as supportive as they claim to be because it’s happening closer to home. A kind of “he’s one of them” attitude. My mum and brother, however, are in fact homophobic and my mum is adamant that bisexuality doesn’t exist which of course makes me angry hearing this. I really want to come out because I hate lying to people, but I know that I will be treated different if my mum and brother found out. I am still living with my parents at the moment, my girlfriend has also said that it’s better not to say anything until I’ve got my own place to live to avoid a scenario where I might chucked out of my own home. What can I actually do?

    Thank you very much for your time and keep up the good work :)


  25. Jodieon 30 Mar 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Hi there. This is going to be a bit of a random ask from me. I’m actually referencing one of your articles in my dissertation for uni (it’s on the use of sex in advertising). I have referenced your article on homoeroticism. I was wondering if you could tell me you full name? Because references go by last name, P is hard to reference! I have given you my email address incase you don’t want to post your name on here. Please, if you could help, I’d be grateful! Thanks

  26. Davidon 11 Apr 2011 at 11:24 am


    I am a 21, gay, black man wanting to know more about bisexual men. My personal theory is that everyone is bisexual and some lean more gay and some lean more straight. I definitely believe in bisexuality.

    Lately, though, I’ve realized I resent bisexual men. For one, I find some bi men look down on gay men (I know, straight men do too). Two, I feel as though bi men don’t want or value meaningful relationships with [gay] men and will always in the end choose to spend the rest of their life with a woman rather than a man.

    I personally don’t know any bisexual men(or at least none that are out). I have many bisexual female friends and they always talk about having crushes on girls though most of them have never had a serious relationship with one.

    I tend to like more masculine men and I’m guessing bisexual men tend to be masculine. My fear is to become involved with a bi man and to fall for him only for him to decide later on that he’d rather be with a woman. To put it simply, I find it hard to trust a bi man to not break my heart. It’s not a matter of if it it happen, rather when.

    I’d really like to ask some questions to the bi men who read this blog and to you @bitheway. Please contact me at.

    I’d also like to see some posts about bi men’s interactions with gay men. So far it seems a bit heteronormative if that make sense.


  27. Abbeyon 23 Apr 2011 at 2:09 am

    Hi. I’m a straight female who just recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is bisexual. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time by airing out my dirty laundry, but the bottom line is that he says he wants to experiment with a guy he met who claims also to be bisexual. So I guess we’re on a break from our relationship while he does this. I’ve asked tons of questions and read tons of blogs about this topic and I have the same fears as any woman would have like is he really full blown gay and I’m just a cover or is he capable of falling in love with this man? I don’t want to be a door mat while he goes and is intimate with another person and he expects me to be there when he thinks he’s done. Will he ever really be done? I love him and can’t think of my life without him, but I can also understand his need to embrace all aspects of himself before he makes a commitment fully to me…I’m just so confused and would love some advice if you have any to give. Thanks.

  28. Jemimaon 18 Nov 2011 at 10:03 am

    I have had a relationship with a man on and off for over a year, I had my suspicians and have done some ‘detective’ work and now I have proof he is in fact bi sexual, he loves me and vice versa and has been truthful that he cannot be with me as he cannot commit, I obviously know why, I feel he is fighting the fact he is bi and wants to be with me and have a ‘normal’ relationship but he can’t. As I have found all this out I have gone through the shock/hurt etc alone which is fine, I am now at the point where I love him too much to walk away and want to be in his life in whatever way. I have another boyfriend now and he knows etc etc and this I think has relieved the pressure off him but at the same time hurts him but as he ays ‘there is nothing he can do’ as he cannot be what I want. We are such great friends and I love him to bits and will always be there for him and cannot imagine having him in my life and vice versa. How do I get him to open up to me and admit he is bi and likes transgender women etc without me asking him outright and telling him I know! I want to help, be there for him and I think that we will always be in each others life but until he tells me himself he will always be dealing with it alone, any help would be really appreciated.
    Thank you

  29. Jemimaon 18 Nov 2011 at 10:06 am

    *cannot imagine NOT having him in my life I meant in my earlier post. Please bi men, can someone give me advice on how to become someone they can talk to, what would make you tell the truth to someone you love?

Trackback URI | Comments RSS

Leave a Reply

Please write in good English, using correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Please also capitalise your sentences correctly.
The SHIFT key is your friend.