I am a 21, gay, black man wanting to know more about bisexual men. My personal theory is that everyone is bisexual and some lean more gay and some lean more straight. I definitely believe in bisexuality.

Lately, though, I’ve realized I resent bisexual men. For one, I find some bi men look down on gay men (I know, straight men do too). Two, I feel as though bi men don’t want or value meaningful relationships with [gay] men and will always in the end choose to spend the rest of their life with a woman rather than a man.

I personally don’t know any bisexual men(or at least none that are out). I have many bisexual female friends and they always talk about having crushes on girls though most of them have never had a serious relationship with one.

I tend to like more masculine men and I’m guessing bisexual men tend to be masculine. My fear is to become involved with a bi man and to fall for him only for him to decide later on that he’d rather be with a woman. To put it simply, I find it hard to trust a bi man to not break my heart. It’s not a matter of if it it happen, rather when.

I’d really like to ask some questions to the bi men who read this blog and to you @bitheway. Please contact me at dlbiznes@gmail.com.

I’d also like to see some posts about bi men’s interactions with gay men. So far it seems a bit heteronormative if that make sense.

Thanks

I’ve been reading through your blog and I am both thoroughly impressed and relieved to find a site where I can gain more information about bisexuality from the male perspective as I am one myself. I’ve been through quite a lot since I realised I like guys as well as girls when I was eleven, but I’m not still out of the loop and I would quite like some advice if you can. I’d be very much grateful.

I am technically out, but not to my parents and there is a reason for it. Even though my family does not hold prejudices against the LGBT community, bar my mum and my brother. I am still uneasy about telling them. I believe that they may not be as supportive as they claim to be because it’s happening closer to home. A kind of “he’s one of them” attitude. My mum and brother, however, are in fact homophobic and my mum is adamant that bisexuality doesn’t exist which of course makes me angry hearing this. I really want to come out because I hate lying to people, but I know that I will be treated different if my mum and brother found out. I am still living with my parents at the moment, my girlfriend has also said that it’s better not to say anything until I’ve got my own place to live to avoid a scenario where I might chucked out of my own home. What can I actually do?

Thank you very much for your time and keep up the good work

Patricio

Sounds like he is having a tough time dealing with it. You are moving through the stages of acceptance and understanding of your husband’s sexuality far faster than he is.

Women are naturally better at talking about feelings than men, we have to learn it as an acquired skill and for some of us it takes years. Keep pressing your husband to talk about it, because you need the peace of mind of understanding where he’s at and he needs to know himself better if he is to be happy.

You might find this takes time, but persist gently. Ask him to talk to you about it when he’s ready. Ask don’t demand! You might be entitled to answers, but if you put it across as a demand you will probably get nothing.

This will sound horribly unfair, but if you want to save your marriage, you are going to have to be patient, you are going to have to create the environment where your husband feels able to open up and give you the answers you need.

You see you are at an impasse over this because for him to talk about his sexuality is emotionally painful but for him to leave you without answers is agonising for you. The first person to realise and accept this has to make the running. In this case its you.

Again thanks for your input – I am still very confused, as the lines of communications have been completely shut down on the Bi/ Gay issue. He thinks that as he has finally “come out” with an orientation, thats it – he has no need to talk to me about it. I am not judgemental, and want to help – as clearly he is having great difficulty accepting it himself. Though having gone through the video again I am fairly sure now that he is a closet Gay – TV
Possibly the polyamorous option is the only one for us to stay together – as I love him dearly, and he is still very affectionate wanting kisses and cuddles for reassurance.

I am so glad that I came across your blog – it has been and will no doubt continue to be a great source of reassurance to me. I have shown it to my husband – but he shows no interest.

Tamara

Honestly I have no idea if your husband is really gay or just bisexual. I’ve never met him or spoke to him, I really don’t have any basis to form an opinion.

The acid test is whether he has any remaining interest in women and without meaning to be cruel, just because your love life has dried up like the Saharan sands, this does not in itself mean he has lost all interest in women.

Any sexual interest in women if accompanied by sexual interest in men by definition makes someone bisexual and NOT gay.

Sorry can’t be any more precise than that.

Before you rush to judge every bisexual man on the planet, there are few things you should consider.

(1) A fair proportion of heterosexual relationships find the ‘love-life’ department dries up after 14 years, straight people cheat and have affairs too. Everyone craves that bit of excitement in the bedroom and if it isn’t there, then one of two things happen. People endure a sex-less marriage or they cheat. Millions of straight men treat their wives as housekeepers whilst getting their kicks elsewhere. This is not specifically bisexual behaviour.

(2) Your husband seems to be into a little more than just men, he’s into cross-dressing. Lets be clear, this is not specifically bisexual behaviour either. Most men who cross-dress are actually STRAIGHT! Google it!

You can watch this video if you don’t believe me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bW61MYk970

Its quite long but its worth watching because its very informative.

I have just discovered your site and read through half an hours worth of posts. It is a relief in one way to find that there are so many bisexual men out there but what a cause of angst it is.

Being British and in my fifties sex education was largely lacking for me and my realisation of who I am came in my thirties. By which time I was (and still am) happily married with children.

In common with many on the site I am monogamous and agree totally with those who would not want to run more than one relationship at a time because it is: – deceitful, time consuming, stressful, over-complicated, expensive etc etc and of course there is the risk of ruining the primary relationship.

I do sometimes wish I was only attracted to women – it would surely reduce the temptation or distraction level but then again it is more interesting being gender neutral in attraction terms. There are twice as many people around to find attractive.

It does make male friendship a tricky area and I tend to err on the cautious, arms length, British side. I often wish I had some, or just one even, bisexual male friend who I could chat and masturbate with – but where would this lead? Would this sexual contact with them cause guilt and be regarded by my inner self and my wife as betrayal? I need to find this out!

regards Alex.

You have a great site. It will take me some time to read through all the posts, but I look forward to it. I’m curious whether you’re still seeking contributors. If so, I’d be interesting in talking to you about being a regular contributor.

Cheers!

Well I found one, but I suppose it helps that I’m monogamous. I can go both ways but I stay true to one person at a time.

Effectively I’m gender-agnostic, which is a fairly uncommon type of male bisexual. But it opens up a broad spectrum of possible relationships.

Its much harder to find accepting straight women who are happy to let you “go over the dark-side” from time to time. Bisexual women may be more accepting, but you will probably find just as many open minded straight women as like with men, very few women openly identify as bisexual.