Apr 20 2008
Bisexuality
For the uninitiated, bisexuality is a sexual orientation. A bisexual person will find themselves romantically and/or sexually attracted to both men and women. However, they may not be equally attracted to men and women and contrary to popular belief an equal attraction to both sexes is not a prerequisite to being bisexual.
Some 1.8% of men and 2.8% of women identify as bisexual, that’s according to a survey done in the United States by National Center for Health Statistics. Though other surveys have recorded higher instances, for example, Alfred Kinsey’s 1948 study Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, reported that 46% of the male population had engaged in both homosexual and heterosexual relations at some point in their lives. Though the sampling methods of the Kinsey reports were heavily criticised as 25% were or had been prison inmates, and 5% were male prostitutes.
No-one believes that Kinsey’s figure is accurate, however his was the first survey of its kind and it gave us an important scale for measuring sexuality, known as the Kinsey Scale. It uses a scale of 0-6 with 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 been exclusively homosexual. 1-5 on the scale describe varying degrees of bisexuality.
| Rating | Description |
|---|---|
| 0 | Exclusively heterosexual |
| 1 | Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual |
| 2 | Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual |
| 3 | Equally heterosexual and homosexual |
| 4 | Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual |
| 5 | Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual |
| 6 | Exclusively homosexual |
| X | Asexual |
The Kinsey Scale
Often one of the first things newly self-acknowledged bisexuals do is determine where they feel they fit on this scale. Often people don’t fit neatly onto one of the numbers, but remember this is a continuous scale, so its perfect OK to identify between the labelled points. Personally I find I fit somewhere between 1 and 2, so I say “I’m Kinsey 1.5″.
Another important point to acknowledge about sexuality is that our sexual orientation can vary. Bisexuality in particular is fluid, at some times in our lives we find ourself increasing attracted to the same sex and at other increasingly attracted to the opposite sex. So whilst at present I might identify as Kinsey 1.5, next year I may re-evaluate and declare myself 2.5, who knows – what matters is how you feel today.
Realising your bisexuality and ‘coming out’ can be a very rewarding. For many people, myself included, ‘coming out’ is very self-affirming and positive experience. Though its worth pointing out that I live in liberal secular Europe, where religious conservatism is thankfully rather muted.
Still being honest with yourself is the first step, and contrary to what the religious purists would have us believe, bisexuality is perfectly natural. It has been observed across the animal kingdom and we have documented historical evidence of its prevalence in Ancient Greece and Rome as well as in the Far East. Its nothing new, it wasn’t invented yesterday. The important thing is accepting yourself for who you are, working up to coming out to friends and family is something you can do when you feel the time is right.
Finding out more about bisexuality:
- Read this blog, there are a number of stories and articles covering a range of bisexual issues.
- Check out the links in our blogroll – they take you to a number of interesting web sites.
- Join your local LGBT group.
71 Responses to “Bisexuality”
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The SHIFT key is your friend.
I am a 2 … most of me says 3 … and I’m a christian. I don’t like myself some days but I don’t deny myself either.
Glad to see a well put together website about those of us who can’t full explain ourselves.
-Amber
I am a kinsey 1.5 to 2.. I’ve known his since my youngest memories.
I have kept my desires a secret until just recently (the last 2 years). My wife now knows of my feelings and not sure if she believes me or not.
Both my wife and myself have always been “gay friendly”, and support our local community.
Thank you for your interesting web site. I look forward to learning more about others who share my desires.
Don.
I think I’m 1.5 too… mainly men, but mainly bisexual men, and occasionally some women….
I’m attracted to masculinity and femininity combined…
I’m also a Christian but I agree you should not deny yourself mentally even if you try not to act on it!
It really helps you if you can accept yourself inside!
Rose
Why should you try not to act on it? I can’t say I know the bible inside out, but I know it better than a lot of people who go to church regularly and I can’t recall there ever been any prohibition of lesbian relationships in the scripture.
God hates fags but not dykes seemingly. Perhaps he’s a fan of Swedish cinema?
I’m like a 2.5
I have always known that I’m bi, but I really confirmed it 2 months ago, so I’m really confused about everything and everyone, but I’m happy with my self and that’s what is important.
Thank you for the interesting information!!
i think i am about a 3 but it changes from day to day and seems to depend on my moods. I think that it is important info for everyone so they arent afraid to be themselves
im a 2. i like women but i love a good man once in a while
It really depends on my mood, but I like at least 2 guys that are in my life. I’d put myself at a 1.7 – 2. What’s interesting is that I’ve come out before, but almost immediately gotten scared and gone back to calling myself straight.
However, recently (my girlfriend’s bi, so I feel more comfortable talking about it) I’ve felt more bi-curious. It comes in cycles.
I’ve made out with a guy once and I liked it. But, iunno.
I know the internet isn’t generally the place one would place trust into another’s hands, but here it feels different. It has a different vibe. I read a couple of the articles and comments and feel a lot more confident about myself. This blog is really awesome and I’ll definitely keep posted for more updates.
(P.S. The fact that your a brit made me even more interested because I was born in Cardiff, Wales and so it’s nice to hear a more international look at the topic of bisexuality. Plus I prefer to listen to brits over yanks sometimes)
i think i’m a 2 (most of the time)! but right now i’m 0.5 …
I know I am in the 2.5 and sometimes 3 range. How can one not fall in love with people, no matter the gender, when they are thinking, loving, peaceful, thoughtful human beings?
There are those that make me want to be a 0 and then there are those that make me want to be a 6, but a good majority of the time I see and meet people that have me be a 3 or 2.5.
Can’t better explain it I think, people, when extraordinary, regardless of sex, are always attractive.
Thanks for the opportunity to voice.
New to expressing verbally what I’ve known of my thoughts and desires for a long time. Still conflicted but am in the midst of educating myself and am so relieved, thanks.
Im a solid 2. I’ve only been with and am still with only one guy because I’m ridiculously picky when it comes to males. However, if I’m never with another guy in my lifetime I’m perfectly okay with that.
I would say I am a 5… However I cannot find the opposite sex attractive, quite repulsive actually (only emotional connection) … While I find myself constantly thinking about the same sex. I have a partner of the opposite sex and he knows about my feelings and accept the fact that I would never desire sex from him.
I don’t see myself on this type of scale, do quations count because maybe I’m a 3 over X, or a 3 times X …I dunno. I flirt with both men and women, and I’m attracted to SOME men and SOME women and I have sex fantasies about both, but only with people I meet. Miix a strong individual with a good personality and I could have a relationship with either sex interested -which is the hard part. Finding someone who lives outside of their cookie cutter lifescript is almost impossible. And don’t get me started on gay culture versus hetero culture because I find they’re both either obnoxious or elitist -so magnify that part about finding a relationship with either sex interested. I’ve had sex with both men and women and there’s big, hot pluses to both. Just finding someone who wants a monogamous and secure life together is the ultimate challenge.
I think i am 3. But like some of the others said it can change a little. Sometimes i feel about 2.5 and some other times i feel about 3.5. I have always felt attracted to other males as well as females and i think people are pressured to classify (or ‘box’ themselves) into an orientation. I think sexuality is very liberal but some people fear this may confuse them and i think homophobia/biphobia is a direct result of this.
I enjoyed learning i am not alone. I have been married for 22 years and have grown kids. My early twenty’s were full of experimentations. I thought I was gay. I love my family and try hard not to think about it. Occationally, I really have feelings that I want to explore. I told my wife resently about being bi-sexual before we met. She has been very understanding, but has not gone so far as giving me premission. I would not cheat on her, but really do feel I need to revisit my earlier lifestyle. Maybe just once more. Has anyone else been here? This is the first time i have accually written it into words how i feel.
I guess Im a 1.5 or 2
At the very beginning of my puberty, I felt very attracted to women, but only a couple of months later, I discovered that my attraction towards women decreased drastically and that my attraction towards men became predominant. This confused me a lot, and thus began a long process of accepting myself as homosexual… but over the years, I also found out that I was not really 100% homosexual, and that although I prefer men, I still like women as well. Today, I identify as bisexual (Kinsey 4 to 4.5).
John (4/24),
I have the same basic issues – married 21 years, 2 teenage children. You are not alone. I did cheat a few times several years ago and got caught. I had justified it as not cheating, since it wasn’t a woman (yes, that was poor rationalization, but I believed it). I suppressed my desires for several years, but now I have strong urges to be with men again. I do not want to give up my wife and family and I still enjoy sex with my wife. She is not accepting of bisexuality at all, but is also not accepting of me hiding it / lying about it. I fear it will come down to separation soon. I worry about messing up my kid’s lives, but I think they will be accepting. My parents and siblings are another matter. Good luck!
I am married and love my wife. But I do fool around due to being separated for long periods of time. I only fool around with guys. Only certain activities with guys attract me. I don’t mind wathcing or engaging in oral but anal is off limits. I do prefer Fem guy bodies vs hairy masculine. But even so I would say my drive is around a 2. I would rather make myself happy viewing and enjoying and focusing on female interaction. I wish I could come out of the closet. It is lonely in here.
I guess I would consider myself to be in the 4-5 part of the scale. In my lifetime I’ve been with a few women on a sexual level — most of them friends and the sex being an extension of the long-term friendships we had. In all cases, though, they knew of my leanings towards men and accepted it. My experiences/relationships with men, however, predominate, and, likewise, I’ve been above board with them as well about any attractions to or experiences I’ve had with women. What disturbs me the most, though, are those bisexual men who just toy with a gay male’s affections until the “right girl” comes along. Unfortunatly, this seems to be very common and gives a bad rep to those bisexual males who are otherwise very considerate of another person’s feelings and don’t string them along.
I’m a 2 or 3. I’m truly glad that I’m not roaming this path alone. It was confusing, at first, but when I learned that others had the opportunity to experience bisexuality, I was ecstatic. I am still ecstatic. With this in mind, I can open up to those who are close to me while knowing that I’m not abnormal.
I think an important distinction needs to be made between sex and romantic love. I, for instance, am sexually attracted to both genders. I can fall in love with women, but seriously doubt that I could ever have “those feelings” for a man.
I hope it doesn’t make me seem like I want to “use” men. My ideal situation would be to have regular sex with a close male friend who was like-minded. This doesn’t mean the sex would be meaningless. Being with men just fulfills me differently than being with women.
@bitheway: nicked that comment about Swedish cinema. Hilarious! Hope you don’t mind.
@Jeffrey
The comment doesn’t work if you are Christian, Romans has a prohibition of lesbianism, I discovered it after I wrote the post.
Still from your other post I gather you are Jewish so it’ll work perfectly well in the synagogue.
I’ve been questioning my sexuality resently. I’m surprised I haven’t questioned it sooner, but it seems that falling love was what I needed for a kick start into personal realisation. I’d put myself at 4 right now. During the past ooh xx years i’d put myself at 2, and before then i’d put myself at 4 again, which is where i am now….
This is so helpful, and everyones comments, thank you!… I wonder where i’ll be in one year from now…
Indubitably 2.
I need help to decide where I am at. My [first] experience was with a cousin at 13. The last time I was 18, [with] one or two others in between but not all the way. They were more fem and wanted more than they gave. I want to do everything with the right guy.
I’d say I’m a 1.75 – 2 Aha! Now that I think about it, I bet most people in the world would find themselves on this scale (perhaps some higher than they thought). Its very useful. Thank you x
Boooy ! that website is incredible ! I spent ages seeking one of this kind ^^… Went till 4 younger, but would rather define myself as 2.5 nowadays…
And my biggest dream would be to finally a man who’d share this with me, a 4 being like the “top of the pops” to me… But it’s soo hard to find, especially here in Paris, which is quite a city, but where people barely acknowledge this reality. Heard very harsh comments on my “preference”, especially – guess what- from lesbians : “you should cope with you being a lesbian, you coward” blablah… ouch that hurt, so thanks god you’re here to show one has the right not to be that manichean after all !
I’m probably about 3
I’d say I’m probably around a 4, maybe 3.5. I used to tell myself that I absolutely had to be at 3 otherwise something was somehow wrong. Thankfully I’ve learned to accept myself since then. Despite this I do have a boyfriend… fortunately he is accepting of my desire for girls, and doesn’t (often) ask to watch
I consider myself a 1.5. I have no romantic attraction to men. But sexually, when aroused men are a good substitute for a woman. I am in a sexless marriage. I love my wife but I do have needs. Somehow, I feel it is more appropriate to occassionally meet those needs with a man rather than a woman. I am also a Christian. I struggle with my bisexuality but God made me that way, he made my wife with a very low libido nd perhaps this is all part of his Plan – to provide a “backup”?
The bible would disagree with you Phil, but I wouldn’t. Except that I’d call God ‘nature’ and nature doesn’t seem to have a plan. Its just up to us to make the most of it.
Thanks for speaking up, everyone. I find myself at various points on the scale, depending on my life circumstances. For that reason, I’m most comfortable calling myself a 3. Just came out to close friends and family. I’m single and cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be reading about people who feel the way I do. God bless all of you!
I think i would rate myself a 1.5-2, however i have never experienced anything with a man before but i have had sex with many women. I have been aroused by men but ive always been too scared to try to anything with one. the other problem is that not many people are open about their preference so i dont know if someone i know feels the same way i do. how can you tell when another man is feeling the same way i am? i dont think i would ever fall in love with a man, but i am willing to try to be sexual with one. i think im like Patty Michael. I think my ideal situation would also be to have sex with a close male friend who was like-minded. and i also believe that being with men would fulfill me differently than being with women.
Hi Dan
I’d try meeting men on-line, its pretty safe to be open about your sexual preferences and most men will be far more straight up and forward about their level of interest in you than your average women. For some reason, we cling to this social absurdity that the man must chase the woman. In keeping with this social convention, women have to pretend to be coy, shy and chaste. Of course in gay and bisexual circles as a guy you have the opportunity to be chased yourself.
On a side note, speaking as someone who is naturally quite shy and a little too introverted for the dating scene, I actually find myself getting far more offers from men than women, I don’t think I’m any more attractive to either gender, but this does make me think, how many potential girlfriends have I missed by not been bold enough to ask someone out.
I have been aware of my attraction to both sexes from a young age but have spent a lot of time in the past trying to box myself into either straight or gay. Growing and learning with good friends around me has made me realize I was only trying to project the person that other people could swallow easier.
I would always end up confused when I sit and try to rationalise bisexuality. But the truth is attraction is not rational and doesn’t always make sense. You just know in a heartbeat when you like someone and thats that!
I am glad to be bisexual and to be able to celebrate the masculine and feminine of sexuality. But as many of you will know, it has been really tough and I have low self asteem from all the self analysis of my younger years.
But I live hopeful that im brave enough to let love in when it finds me. Embracing your bisexuality is one thing, developing your self confidence is a whole other show.
Its been a pleasure reading other peoples posts….. inspiring.
I feel like I’m a 3.5 I have told people about my attraction to men most of them took it well accept one which made me take it back and say I’m 100% straight which is a lie I knew I was bisexual ever since I hit puberty I have crushes on guys and girls mostly girls but I love the penis lol
I’m a 4. I am emotionally and very sexually attracted to women. mainly gay women cas they have such great personalities on the whole, especially if they are petite with dark hair and big eyes. But i also love the idea of male genitalia. I do find men physically and emotionally attractive too just very few men. Most men in real life are just ugly or dull to me and make me feel nothing but i love short, long haired, slim, geeky guys. so basically like hobbits from the shire but longer hair haha. Even through I’m more attracted to women on average I’m in a monogamous relationship with the only man I’ve been attracted to in real life for over 4 years. very happy. at times miss women as they are so hot but would never ever cheat or fool around Ever my love for my partner is too strong.
Hi:
I am a female bisexual with the scale of 2, recently I find myself in love with a male bisexual scale (2.5—3), at the beginning was fine but am not sure to keep going with this type of relation.He says that he loves me and that he is not gay that he doesn’t feel attraction for any other males I don’t know if i can trust in this person he says that every time that he has been with a gay it just for fun or just to get benefits from then, but he had long term relationships with this guys.
I need help am very confused i don’t want to get hurt, I NEED advice
OK I’m confused. I love penis and penis gets me wet, but boobs/pussy I hate. I usually develop feelings for girls, and guys rarely. what’s my orientation???
@me2011: Do you need a label? If you do, it sounds like you are bisexual with a strong emotional attraction towards women, but a strong sexual attraction towards men.
Its not uncommon, most male bisexuals I have met have strong emotional attractions towards women but almost no emotional attraction towards men. However they tend to have strong sexual attractions towards both men and women.
I am female, but i seem to develop feelings for women more, but boobs and pussy really turn me off! I like kissing girls more, but when it comes to male body parts that seems to get me aroused. its really weird, by bf reckons I’m straight but flexible, because I don’t really look at girls and go ‘phoew, she’s soo hot’. my fantasies include both male and female though. I have had threesomes before, but with a girl I don’t really fancy. I wanted to test myself to see if it would turn me on. it didn’t seem to much, but then again, I don’t fancy this girl. I have fallen in love, or should I say lust, with one girl, but have never had feelings like that for any boy! it really upsets me, could their be a chemical in balance with me? Why cant I just like one sex fully, instead of it being lop-sided like this!
Who’s to say why you are like this, you can’t help who or what turns you on. All I know is fighting it doesn’t work.
Why me? I know I’ve been trying to fight it all my life, but I cant. In a way I would like to be labelled so I know what I am, rather than keep wondering, its giving me a headache! I think a lot is to do with curiosity also.
Why you? Who knows? But it doesn’t help to beat yourself up or bemoan your lot for not being “normal”. At some point we’d have all probably just wished we could be straight or gay, just because its easier. But happiness comes in accepting who you are.
If you want a label, I’d call you bisexual, more specifically a “split bisexual” one who is emotionally attracted to women and sexually attracted to men. The world is a bit place. There are almost certainly other women out there like you, find one and I’m sure you can be very happy.
Try this forum I’m sure you’ll realise you are not alone: http://www.shybi.com/
i dont want to be split! im so sad i cant seem to accept it, and defiantly not compfatble with it. im still confused. its hard to accept when it makes me feel so miserable!
this is the thing…i am physically attracted to men – meaning, i LOVE male body parts! muscle, penis, etc…However, i dont seem to develop any strong emotional sexual feeling towards them. it just seems penis/muscle gets me horny. However, with girls, i can develop strong emotional/sexual feelings in my heart that i know are there, but i am not physically attracted to their bodies – i.e. breasts, vagina. I have done things with girls before, but hated touching down there and breasts did nothing for me. I am currently with a boyfriend, who i love and its great in the bedroom, but that part is still ‘missing’, and it hurts me! I am still in love with a girl i knew and cant seem to get over her. Could it be that in the way? Am i bisexual, confused, bicurious?? WHO KNOWS!! all i know is the whole situation makes me feel like i am living a horrible nightmare! Sometimes, when i get confronted with a girl i have feelings for, i try to hide it. But that makes it worse, as i can get nervous around them, then they think im weird. LMAO! I am NOT comftable with it and scared more than anything!!! I can get nervous around hot guys too, but its not as it is with females. It does see very split, which is so much worse, and could mean that which ever sex i go for, there will always be something ‘lacking’?? Is that normal??
Hi, everyone!
I discovered I was attracted to guys when at high school. I’m male, 26 and I’d estimate my Kinsey as 4 or even 5 over the last year. The peculiar thing about my bisexuality is that I’m more attracted to men sexually and emotionally than to women. On the other hand, I’m interested in developing a life-lasting relationship with a girl ‘of my dream’ (And have had a few GFs so far). However, the special thing I notice about my attractions to men is that I feel very feminine with them (in fact, I am quite effeminate in life), I have always fantasized about being a woman myself and I love girly things. I’ve come to realise this is a natural part of me. I even tell myself laughingly that in my GF I’ll find my own feminine self.
I’ve come to several close friends so far (ladies) and they have been accepting and understanding, so no problems with this.
There is a man I have been in love with for a few years now, but haven’t told him, him being obviously straight and not close to me. I have learned to flirt with guys without revealing my orientation.
There is only one single thing that confuses me. My sexual fantasies are mostly about men and even when I masturbate, I end up fantasizing about a sex with a guy. But in life my erection happens only on female bodies ( even if selectively, on certain types), even though I’m sexually attracted to men. Their body parts, their intelligence and strength, put together, turn me on strongly and I am not averted by sex with them. It is becoming more and more difficult for me to supress acting in an effeminate way in public.
I’d be very happy to hear other stories of similar experiences.
I feel like I’m a rare bird with this lack of immediate hard dick on guys and feeling being a woman myself.
Really want your ideas on that, guys!
S.D.
hey im 17 male.
I have always thought myself as straight, but lately i have been talking to alot of gay and bi guys online and thinking about meeting up, but when a guy offers i always get scared and back out sayin to myself ur not bi u just enjoy the attention.
its really messing with my head! i have watched gay porn before its ok, but i really enjoy straight porn.
i have only been in a sexual relationship with one girl, but i ” used ” her a couple times and left her ( which i feel bad about )
and i just would really like to know what you guys/girls think i am ? confused but straight/ bi etc
thanks
for me my bisexuality goes as this: Physically attracted to both men and women, not equal though I’m more attracted to women. Emotionally I like women and not really into men. So I’m not really interested in men for serious, long term relationship but do enjoy sex with them on occassion.
well, hello my name is charles. I’m only 15 years old but i find myself struggling between a kinsey 3.5 and 5. I have been struggling withh my sexuality for a while now. Its hard to understand because sometimes i feel like a 3.5 and sometimes a 5. I’m wondering if its just puberty playing tricks on me. I know i may be a little young but I still feel and think like most of these people. I like girls but not like I like guys and I like guys but not like I like girls. It sounds confusing but its true. Me and my penis disagree with each other completly. My mind is a 3.5-4 and my penis is a 4.5-5 and I hate it. This sometimes makes me ultimately hate myself at times. Sometimes I just wish I was just straight.
Hi David
I’ve read almost all the posts on your blog. Very inspiring and quite helpful.
But why has the blog been cold for so long? I’m sure people want to read more, as do I.
Hoping you’re going to write more often.
me2011 I wonder what you can do? Perhaps a more feminine man?
Why do you get nervous around attractive women? I wouldn’t find it weird if a girlfriend of mine fancied me. I have had several good friends who are predominantly straight make suggestive passes. It is fun. It increases intimacy without getting weird. When a man makes a pass it is slightly different. They are, I think, less in control sexually and are physically stronger than us. When a male indicates his desire I firmly say no. When a woman makes it clear that she finds me sexually attractive, I just enjoy the ego boost and it passes. They don’t get persistent like men. The friendship is often brought to a closer state of intimacy. Isn’t this what you are looking for? I actually LOVE my best friend. Although she is beautiful facially and I love looking at her, I do not find her body at all attractive. She has only ever tested the water with me to see if I have bi-sexual tendencies but never actually directly approached me. I know she would like to explore that with me. I know she finds me sexy.
When I split up with my husband, I sought out a gay woman on a web contact site and met up and had sex with her. Although I am open minded and I enjoyed what she did to me, I really did not like touching or kissing her. Maybe that was because she wasn’t very sexy….or maybe I am just not bi-enough to actually have physical sex with a woman. Anyway I was very disappointed! I really want to be bi-sexual!
I have lesbian fantasies all of the time and sometimes privately watch girl on girl porn…well quite a lot actually!
I wonder how I would react to a really beautiful brown eyed woman……Not as compulsive and delicious and cuddly as my gorgeous brown eyed hairy boy friend though. I love him!
ME2011
I forgot to say…why can’t you have them both? I am sure that your boyfriend wouldn’t have a problem with you having a loving relationship with this girl.
I am a straight female but my significant other is a bisexual male. When he came out to me I was scared at first. What if he liked men more than me? I was afraid I couldn’t fulfill him or that I was not adequate enough (thanks, low self-esteem).
But then I quickly got over it after I arranged a threesome with a man to let him fully experience his sexuality because he’s never done that before. (He would be too scared to arrange this and face his true self, so I did it for him). He loved it! His fantasies usually always included me and another man and himself. I don’t want to be cheated on–but I definitely want to be apart of everything he does so I can support him. He grabbed for me before, during, and after. Now, my self-esteem couldn’t be any better and our relationship couldn’t be any stronger. There are no more questions.
I think he is so special that he is able to see the beauty in both both genders. (He’s not one-sided like me).
I believe he has the right and the freedom to explore his sexuality. His “dark” secrets are now celebrated. In many cultures, I remind him, he would be a shaman. Bisexuality is something to be proud of–not ashamed of.
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has written. I was feeling so low about myself that I was left feeling slightly numb. I cheated on my girlfriend today with an attractive man at a sauna. I don’t have full sex (anymore) with men because I realise I just need the touch and attention that you get from a male if that makes sense. My desire for women is completely different. Anyway you guys get that concept ! I’m 2 on the scale and live a very hetro life. Play rugby, drinks with the lads, love women but explored my gay side about 10 years ago with casual encounters and have done so In between having various girlfriends. I’ve told two very close, supportive friends that I’m bi-sexual which helped. The problem is that I need to find people in the same predicament because the bi-road can be pretty lonely. I’ve been looking in the wrong places because my searches on the net just seem to point to sex. Great as that can be it is not what I need. I just need a degree of understanding I have a 10/10 girlfriend and her family love me. My family love me and I have great colleagues. All of whom would not be impressed to say the least. Throw in my own desires for men and then begins the head frying. I’m actually considering telling my girlfriend so that I don’t ruin her or her family’s life or that of our future kids. Can I be faithful ? I don’t cheat with women. Just need a non sexual understanding bi penpal/ hug/ chat / drink from time to time.
I’m fairly certain that I’m bi-sexual, want to be bi-sexual, and always have been bi-sexual…but have kept it a secret and live outwardly as a heterosexual. I have a hard time thinking I will ever come out, or allow myself to be part of the bi-sexual world. I’m 45, male, and grew up in (and still live in) a very conservative area. This is very, very frustrating to me and I think my inability to be truthful with the ones I love will eventually end up with me in deep depression, and a huge regret for my entire life. Even though I feel that strongly about my orientation I still find it difficult to believe I could ever come out. I currently live with a woman and she has no idea about this, I don’t trust that I will be accepted by her, her family, or my family. I live in the rural northeast part of the U.S., which, in my opinion, is not the place that will be the most understanding should I come out. I’m just wondring how other men in the same situation del with the fear of living secretly all of their lives. Thanks for any responses.
I’d say I’m a 1.5 to 2 most of the time, but have no idea of how to meet other bi people, my gf is bi too so talking between the 2 of us has made me more comfortable about how i feel.
I’m a 21 year old male. I’ve always considered myself straight. Although when I was a pre-teen I engaged in homosexual activities with a few different friends. Once when I was about 6, which was hardly a sexual experience being that we were so young. Then once when I was about 10, and that time was definitely more sexually driven. Both times involved masturbation and oral sex and both times I was the perpetrator.
Once I got into my teens (tends to be the time when social stigmas become embedded) I found myself having zero attraction to other guys. I disregarded my prior gay experiences as simply being experimentation and that I was very young and didn’t know what I was really doing. I had many girl friends and found myself constantly fantasizing about women. Despite the fact that didn’t feel physically or romantically attracted to guys, there were several occasions where I would try to initiate slight or subtle sexual behavior with other guy friends. Like going streaking or skinny dipping. Or masturbating in the same room while watching porn.
High school was all about girls, I had no gay or evenly slightly gay experiences. I never fantasized about guys or even really thought about my past gay experiences. I would have ranked myself a 1 on the Kinsey scale.
So within the past year or two I have been speaking with an old girlfriend from high school who is now dating another girl. She would always talk about how she feels good being able to fully express her sexuality and how natural she feels with another women. She finally got me to admit to having some gay experiences when I was a kid. She just made me feel more comfortable with homosexuality overall.
Since we began talking my sexual desire for other guys has grown immensely! I don’t find guys physically attractive or get turned on by a “cute” guy when I see one in public. I don’t find myself checking out and looking for “hot” guys like I do girls. I also don’t ever see myself dating a guy and being romantically involved with one. However, the thought and sight of a penis really turns me on. I’ve been masturbating almost exclusively to gay porn for the past 6 months. I now enjoy anal masturbation. I have a deep desire to have sex with another guy, and know it will happen sooner or later, (probably sooner!)
I would now rank myself a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Amazing how sexuality can be so (apparently) fluid.
Sorry for the mini-bio if you’ve made it this far. responses welcome!
Hi Danny
Glad you are enjoying your fluidity
Have fun.
I just read the comments in this portal and would like to comment that all this fluidity is one sided . When the feelings of bisexuality comes in to you .it remains forever . did any one had a feeling of going back alomo0st completely to the hetro side ?
I read what Danny R., fardeen, and a few others wrote. It is comforting to have read your story Danny, so thank you so much for sharing. I had similar experiences as a kid. On several occasions I tried to coax a few of my friends into kissing me, or experimenting with me. But always felt guilty when they would freak out.
As I got older, I just figured all kids go through this. I dated nothing but guys all through high school and my whole adult life. I’m in my late 20′s now, and no relationships have really stuck. I have always been able to appreciate beauty in women, and am often attracted to more feminine, or small framed men. I have experienced a few fleeting crushes on women, but never acted on it and didn’t think much of it… until now.
I have a friend who is openly homosexual, and has been for a number of years. I have always found her very attractive, but again, never thought too much about it. Over the years on a few occasions, we have ended up kissing a bit. I loved it! This last time we went out, and we danced together as usual, I couldn’t wait, I was just hoping something would happen again. Sure enough it did, and we talked about it the next day, and both confessed that neither of us was really under the influence.
Since then things have escalated drasticly. I’m finding myself extremely attracted to her and although I admit I’m a bit nervous, I’m open and excited to taking it further. It’s just as exciting, if not more exciting than any of my previous attractions to men. I have also experimented with some woman on woman porn which does way more for me than traditional.
I feel now that I read back on what I wrote, that it is blatently clear, but I guess what I wonder is if this is just a passing phase or is there more to it? I’m feeling so confused…extremely happy, but confused.
Thank you so much for reading this, I know it’s a lot.
Im not sure what i am…up untill my early teens and before i was physically and sexually abused by a man i would have definately rated myself as a 0 but now i find the only place i feel safe to enjoy sex is when i fantasise about women… Im attracted to men on all levels but sex… Im so confused and i am christian to i dont feel like i fit anywhere and am always conflicted and afraid to speak to anyone.. Veru lonely place indeed…
Trying to understand all this and been researching and found the term latent bisexual perhaps i am that if i was where would that rate on the scale?
More people say they are 2′s than 3′s because there are more heteros than homos available… so… yeah, I’m a 3
I can make LOVE (have intense pleasure) both with a man or a woman.
Hello everyone!
This is a great post site. I’d have to rate myself a 2 on the Kinsey scale. This is becuase before puberty I would have crushes only on girls in elementary school, but liked my male friends strongly. I hit puberty, which was nuts, and really liked girls there too. I hung out with a male friend a lot ( who is most likely a 1 on the k-scale, and would never act sexually towards me.) But I found myself fantasizing sexually about him and told myself that I would act on it then, but it never happened, becuase I’m sure he wouldn’t.
Anyways, over the years, I’ve found the swinging back and forth happen, but still have to say that when I see a hot woman, its definately stronger and the saying “ohh she’s sooo hot” is definately true for me. Not so much with guys. With guys, there’s something not quite right about it. Sort of a grind sometimes. But if I had a close male friend, I think it would definately develop if we were in the right place. The fantasies though get really annoying, especially out of the blue, after a calm period. At my age now (30′s), I’m trying to more incorporate the two sides together, because I’m growing tired of the swinging back and forth out of the blue.
With regards to the K-scale. I’m coming to the conclusion that there really are not that many, if any hardly in the population that could identify as a 0 or 6. I just don’t think they exist, or just barely, like 3′s on the scale. This is from observing family, friends, coworkers. I think people who say 0, are actually 1′s who would not admit it, or its just not strong enough to swing over the line into the 3 zone. Like a 1 swings from 0 to 2, but thats it. And they’ve never had to confront strong sexual feelings towards the same sex that are just strong enough to have to recognize. I personally can’t say I’ve met a 0 or 6. I believe the really straight people are 1′s and the really gay people are 5′s. From this they swing but not enough.
So, my conclusion is %45-50 of the “straight” population is a 2, and 45%-50% of the gay population are 4′s on the K-scale. Which means bisexual tendencies.
Why God made half of us bisexual is a mystery to me sometimes. Its unfortunate that society and religion blocks reality out with its little boundaries.
For anyone interested in reading, I just finished Lisa Diamond’s book about female sexual fluidity. It has some great stories about attractions mentally, emotionally and physically over time.
Thanks!
I still can’t evaluate myself with this scale! T.T Since my teen years I’ve tried a few times but then blamed my lack of libido for indecision or worse accused myself of simply having a fickle nature and if I couldn’t pick one or the other; gay or straight then I should just be asexual. At least I couldn’t hurt anyone if one day I simply wasn’t attracted to a particular sex anymore…
I have always been a love at first sight kinda person… there have been all sorts of people that have side swiped me with their beauty. Sometimes I feel like my head has no control over it and it’s literally an overwhelming physical response that confuses my sensibility…If someone were to ask me what my type is I honestly couldn’t answer.
Like many who’ve written before me, as a child/teen I had many experimental encounters with both both boys and girls and enjoyed them.
From then on I’ve had a number intense crushes perhaps even been in love with both males and females but never acted on any homosexual desires in adulthood.
It’s a cop out I know but I feel like if I know I can fall in love with the ‘right’ sex then I’ll wait till then because it’s easier that way… Sigh… I wish I was as brave as some of you and could openly love the person/people I fall for. Although I do, I guess what I should say is, I wish I could allow myself the opportunity to be sexually intimate with whoever I fall in love with, regardless of their gender and not feel guilty.
The swinging back and forth can be a real *#(%#. Especially out of the blue when you hit a calm period and your identity gets solidified into straight (not gay at all). I’ve learned the hard way (in my 30′s now) that my brain won’t allow me to be completely straight (more like a 2 than a 1)
I’m definatley afraid to go to any level with another man as a relationship for these reasons:
1. Social pressures. Fear.
2. The innevitable swinging back into straight land and being turned on by girls.
3. A deeper sense of desire for women.
4. Confusion that will result from all of the above.
I’ve heard stories of people who go bi ( say late 20′s) and do things with same sex for a year and end up really confused. Its like their identity can’t handle it.
I’m convinced the problem lies in not the bisexual people (I beleive half of us), but in the really straight people who define our culture. These labels are annoying. It must have really sucked back in the 1950′s.
What I’m questioning now is, can we at the 2 scale (like both men and women sexually, but 1 sex more) have successful relationships with 1′s?
My dad is no more than a 1 (sure about this because I have siblings) and he married 2 2′s on the scale (divorced once)
It seems the 1′s can really like the 2′s. But the 2′s have to deal with their own sexual desires (crushes) for the same sex.
Any opinions or stories about 2′s and 3′s getting with 1′s for the long term????
Thanks
to JANE
Well, i just feel uncomftable having ‘bi’ feelings, towards girls. I really really REALLY want to find a man that I have sexual feelings (emotional, in my heart) towards, but it hasn’t happened yet ;’( i do get horny with men, but I only seem to develop ‘sexual’ emotional feelings in my heart towards women!! It’s weird, because I don’t even findy womanly parts at ALL a turn on for me!! This is why it hurts so much! It would all be okay if I could just have sexual feelings towards a man ;’(