Apr 20 2008
Bisexuality
For the uninitiated, bisexuality is a sexual orientation. A bisexual person will find themselves romantically and/or sexually attracted to both men and women. However, they may not be equally attracted to men and women and contrary to popular belief an equal attraction to both sexes is not a prerequisite to being bisexual.
Some 1.8% of men and 2.8% of women identify as bisexual, that’s according to a survey done in the United States by National Center for Health Statistics. Though other surveys have recorded higher instances, for example, Alfred Kinsey’s 1948 study Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, reported that 46% of the male population had engaged in both homosexual and heterosexual relations at some point in their lives. Though the sampling methods of the Kinsey reports were heavily criticised as 25% were or had been prison inmates, and 5% were male prostitutes.
No-one believes that Kinsey’s figure is accurate, however his was the first survey of its kind and it gave us an important scale for measuring sexuality, known as the Kinsey Scale. It uses a scale of 0-6 with 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 been exclusively homosexual. 1-5 on the scale describe varying degrees of bisexuality.
| Rating | Description |
|---|---|
| 0 | Exclusively heterosexual |
| 1 | Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual |
| 2 | Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual |
| 3 | Equally heterosexual and homosexual |
| 4 | Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual |
| 5 | Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual |
| 6 | Exclusively homosexual |
| X | Asexual |
The Kinsey Scale
Often one of the first things newly self-acknowledged bisexuals do is determine where they feel they fit on this scale. Often people don’t fit neatly onto one of the numbers, but remember this is a continuous scale, so its perfect OK to identify between the labelled points. Personally I find I fit somewhere between 1 and 2, so I say “I’m Kinsey 1.5″.
Another important point to acknowledge about sexuality is that our sexual orientation can vary. Bisexuality in particular is fluid, at some times in our lives we find ourself increasing attracted to the same sex and at other increasingly attracted to the opposite sex. So whilst at present I might identify as Kinsey 1.5, next year I may re-evaluate and declare myself 2.5, who knows – what matters is how you feel today.
Realising your bisexuality and ‘coming out’ can be a very rewarding. For many people, myself included, ‘coming out’ is very self-affirming and positive experience. Though its worth pointing out that I live in liberal secular Europe, where religious conservatism is thankfully rather muted.
Still being honest with yourself is the first step, and contrary to what the religious purists would have us believe, bisexuality is perfectly natural. It has been observed across the animal kingdom and we have documented historical evidence of its prevalence in Ancient Greece and Rome as well as in the Far East. Its nothing new, it wasn’t invented yesterday. The important thing is accepting yourself for who you are, working up to coming out to friends and family is something you can do when you feel the time is right.
Finding out more about bisexuality:
- Read this blog, there are a number of stories and articles covering a range of bisexual issues.
- Check out the links in our blogroll – they take you to a number of interesting web sites.
- Join your local LGBT group.
28 Responses to “Bisexuality”
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I am a 2 … most of me says 3 … and I’m a christian. I don’t like myself some days but I don’t deny myself either.
Glad to see a well put together website about those of us who can’t full explain ourselves.
-Amber
I am a kinsey 1.5 to 2.. I’ve known his since my youngest memories.
I have kept my desires a secret until just recently (the last 2 years). My wife now knows of my feelings and not sure if she believes me or not.
Both my wife and myself have always been “gay friendly”, and support our local community.
Thank you for your interesting web site. I look forward to learning more about others who share my desires.
Don.
I think I’m 1.5 too… mainly men, but mainly bisexual men, and occasionally some women….
I’m attracted to masculinity and femininity combined…
I’m also a Christian but I agree you should not deny yourself mentally even if you try not to act on it!
It really helps you if you can accept yourself inside!
Rose
Why should you try not to act on it? I can’t say I know the bible inside out, but I know it better than a lot of people who go to church regularly and I can’t recall there ever been any prohibition of lesbian relationships in the scripture.
God hates fags but not dykes seemingly. Perhaps he’s a fan of Swedish cinema?
I’m like a 2.5
I have always known that I’m bi, but I really confirmed it 2 months ago, so I’m really confused about everything and everyone, but I’m happy with my self and that’s what is important.
Thank you for the interesting information!!
i think i am about a 3 but it changes from day to day and seems to depend on my moods. I think that it is important info for everyone so they arent afraid to be themselves
im a 2. i like women but i love a good man once in a while
It really depends on my mood, but I like at least 2 guys that are in my life. I’d put myself at a 1.7 – 2. What’s interesting is that I’ve come out before, but almost immediately gotten scared and gone back to calling myself straight.
However, recently (my girlfriend’s bi, so I feel more comfortable talking about it) I’ve felt more bi-curious. It comes in cycles.
I’ve made out with a guy once and I liked it. But, iunno.
I know the internet isn’t generally the place one would place trust into another’s hands, but here it feels different. It has a different vibe. I read a couple of the articles and comments and feel a lot more confident about myself. This blog is really awesome and I’ll definitely keep posted for more updates.
(P.S. The fact that your a brit made me even more interested because I was born in Cardiff, Wales and so it’s nice to hear a more international look at the topic of bisexuality. Plus I prefer to listen to brits over yanks sometimes)
i think i’m a 2 (most of the time)! but right now i’m 0.5 …
I know I am in the 2.5 and sometimes 3 range. How can one not fall in love with people, no matter the gender, when they are thinking, loving, peaceful, thoughtful human beings?
There are those that make me want to be a 0 and then there are those that make me want to be a 6, but a good majority of the time I see and meet people that have me be a 3 or 2.5.
Can’t better explain it I think, people, when extraordinary, regardless of sex, are always attractive.
Thanks for the opportunity to voice.
New to expressing verbally what I’ve known of my thoughts and desires for a long time. Still conflicted but am in the midst of educating myself and am so relieved, thanks.
Im a solid 2. I’ve only been with and am still with only one guy because I’m ridiculously picky when it comes to males. However, if I’m never with another guy in my lifetime I’m perfectly okay with that.
I would say I am a 5… However I cannot find the opposite sex attractive, quite repulsive actually (only emotional connection) … While I find myself constantly thinking about the same sex. I have a partner of the opposite sex and he knows about my feelings and accept the fact that I would never desire sex from him.
I don’t see myself on this type of scale, do quations count because maybe I’m a 3 over X, or a 3 times X …I dunno. I flirt with both men and women, and I’m attracted to SOME men and SOME women and I have sex fantasies about both, but only with people I meet. Miix a strong individual with a good personality and I could have a relationship with either sex interested -which is the hard part. Finding someone who lives outside of their cookie cutter lifescript is almost impossible. And don’t get me started on gay culture versus hetero culture because I find they’re both either obnoxious or elitist -so magnify that part about finding a relationship with either sex interested. I’ve had sex with both men and women and there’s big, hot pluses to both. Just finding someone who wants a monogamous and secure life together is the ultimate challenge.
I think i am 3. But like some of the others said it can change a little. Sometimes i feel about 2.5 and some other times i feel about 3.5. I have always felt attracted to other males as well as females and i think people are pressured to classify (or ‘box’ themselves) into an orientation. I think sexuality is very liberal but some people fear this may confuse them and i think homophobia/biphobia is a direct result of this.
I enjoyed learning i am not alone. I have been married for 22 years and have grown kids. My early twenty’s were full of experimentations. I thought I was gay. I love my family and try hard not to think about it. Occationally, I really have feelings that I want to explore. I told my wife resently about being bi-sexual before we met. She has been very understanding, but has not gone so far as giving me premission. I would not cheat on her, but really do feel I need to revisit my earlier lifestyle. Maybe just once more. Has anyone else been here? This is the first time i have accually written it into words how i feel.
I guess Im a 1.5 or 2
At the very beginning of my puberty, I felt very attracted to women, but only a couple of months later, I discovered that my attraction towards women decreased drastically and that my attraction towards men became predominant. This confused me a lot, and thus began a long process of accepting myself as homosexual… but over the years, I also found out that I was not really 100% homosexual, and that although I prefer men, I still like women as well. Today, I identify as bisexual (Kinsey 4 to 4.5).
John (4/24),
I have the same basic issues – married 21 years, 2 teenage children. You are not alone. I did cheat a few times several years ago and got caught. I had justified it as not cheating, since it wasn’t a woman (yes, that was poor rationalization, but I believed it). I suppressed my desires for several years, but now I have strong urges to be with men again. I do not want to give up my wife and family and I still enjoy sex with my wife. She is not accepting of bisexuality at all, but is also not accepting of me hiding it / lying about it. I fear it will come down to separation soon. I worry about messing up my kid’s lives, but I think they will be accepting. My parents and siblings are another matter. Good luck!
I am married and love my wife. But I do fool around due to being separated for long periods of time. I only fool around with guys. Only certain activities with guys attract me. I don’t mind wathcing or engaging in oral but anal is off limits. I do prefer Fem guy bodies vs hairy masculine. But even so I would say my drive is around a 2. I would rather make myself happy viewing and enjoying and focusing on female interaction. I wish I could come out of the closet. It is lonely in here.
I guess I would consider myself to be in the 4-5 part of the scale. In my lifetime I’ve been with a few women on a sexual level — most of them friends and the sex being an extension of the long-term friendships we had. In all cases, though, they knew of my leanings towards men and accepted it. My experiences/relationships with men, however, predominate, and, likewise, I’ve been above board with them as well about any attractions to or experiences I’ve had with women. What disturbs me the most, though, are those bisexual men who just toy with a gay male’s affections until the “right girl” comes along. Unfortunatly, this seems to be very common and gives a bad rep to those bisexual males who are otherwise very considerate of another person’s feelings and don’t string them along.
I’m a 2 or 3. I’m truly glad that I’m not roaming this path alone. It was confusing, at first, but when I learned that others had the opportunity to experience bisexuality, I was ecstatic. I am still ecstatic. With this in mind, I can open up to those who are close to me while knowing that I’m not abnormal.
I think an important distinction needs to be made between sex and romantic love. I, for instance, am sexually attracted to both genders. I can fall in love with women, but seriously doubt that I could ever have “those feelings” for a man.
I hope it doesn’t make me seem like I want to “use” men. My ideal situation would be to have regular sex with a close male friend who was like-minded. This doesn’t mean the sex would be meaningless. Being with men just fulfills me differently than being with women.
@bitheway: nicked that comment about Swedish cinema. Hilarious! Hope you don’t mind.
@Jeffrey
The comment doesn’t work if you are Christian, Romans has a prohibition of lesbianism, I discovered it after I wrote the post.
Still from your other post I gather you are Jewish so it’ll work perfectly well in the synagogue.
I’ve been questioning my sexuality resently. I’m surprised I haven’t questioned it sooner, but it seems that falling love was what I needed for a kick start into personal realisation. I’d put myself at 4 right now. During the past ooh xx years i’d put myself at 2, and before then i’d put myself at 4 again, which is where i am now….
This is so helpful, and everyones comments, thank you!… I wonder where i’ll be in one year from now…
Indubitably 2.
I need help to decide where I am at. My [first] experience was with a cousin at 13. The last time I was 18, [with] one or two others in between but not all the way. They were more fem and wanted more than they gave. I want to do everything with the right guy.