the only advice i can give is go to bed with a smile on your face, no matter how you do it.

good luck with your problems guys.

If it’s love, let it be, everything will fall into place and you and him will have a long life together as FRIENDS w/ Benefits and some love mixed into it.

My suggestion is go with the flow and let nature takes it course. Your both adults and having a title of what you are isn’t what you need, what is need is exactly what you both have and that is love, compassion, good times, comfort and the occasional spooning. LOL

You guys have a great thing going…………

Best of luck to you all

It all started my last year of college when I met a friend in a club on campus. We instantly became friends in hetero way. We soon were hanging out together, going to the gym, getting food, spending time with mutual friends in group settings. However, I started to come over to his dorm and after a while we just were playing one night like wrestling.

Soon after we would sleep in the same bed, which led to spooning. Over the coarse of several years it has built up year by year us doing more an more ….all the while doing our straight lives. Now we have not had full sex, we have now questioned each others motives.

What are we now…I feel like I love him, but at the same time I don’t want to marry him. Have children with him, nor live together, but I love him. I love the embrace he gives me….I love how he understands me….I love the total comfort I get from him. Sometimes I feel like a basket case when he did no t call me.

It’s so strange….I know he loves me too. Niether of us are married or in serious relationships with women yet but soon it will happen and I wonder if it will kill it off. I think yes…because shouldn’t a marriage be enough.

That is exactly what I felt and yes I wanted to do so sooooo bad, but then I thought about our friendship and what that would have done. Honestly now looking back I should have done it! We hardly speak any more and when we see each other is more like a hi & by thing. We really do not communicate at all as we used to.

I know I had alot to do with us not being as we used to, he always wanted me to tell him how I felt, what ever was wrong with me that I should talk to him, but yet again the times that I did he shut down on me!

Look I know for a fact that there was an attraction from the begining on both parts, he is a VERY handsome man and he knows it, I do not consider myself to be top shelf but I think I look good. He did tell me several times that he thought that I was cute, handsome and debonair. He told me that he loved me on several occasions, that I told him that Love is a big word, and his response was that he knows the meaning and he knows what his feelings were telling him.

These are some of his actual sayings:
“I get the feeling there are more of us out there than we know.”What does your wife think about me? Did I get approval?” You know you can just be yourself around me, like I told you on the cruise, one of the things I love about you” I will not lie, you are a handsome and adorable dude” He even dedicated ONE from U2 and other songs that are very sentimental. The fact that he has said that he loved me in soooo many times before.

I was sooo cunfused about the whole situation that I was so fed up with the emotional feelings that I told him what exactly is it that he wanted? I told him if he only wanted to be my friend than that is exactly how it was going to be. That was back in January! With that being said like my motto says “IT IS WHAT IT IS!”

Just to try and shed some light on the above situation. I really love my best friend we are really close, however he says he is straight – and I have to respect this. We can be very touchy sometimes, however I find that the closer we get, the more it makes me desire him sexually. I searched pretty hard for this guy and was upfront about my bi-sexuality from the start, and he respects this.

I grew up very close to my mother, although my father was always there for me there was constantly something missing from my life. I too thought that finding a very close male friend would help the situation but this however, was not the case. I have completely fallen for my best friend and he’s always there for me to crawl back to after one night stand or if a relationship goes wrong for me whether or not this is with a man or a woman. However I do not always find this relationship easy or beneficial, instead I am overcome with jealousy any time a girl starts to get close with him.

I also sympathise with you greatly JC. I’m sorry, but if you’re that close to a guy; he buys you gifts; he says you look cute. I would be inclined to think he was at the very least – confused. If any man is positively straight then he would have ran a mile if he thought in any way that you liked him at all – and it seems both of you shared at least an attraction for each other. He’s most likely to be afraid of his inner feelings or is unsure about what to do about them:

“He told me on tuesday for me to be myself around him and that if I needed to say or do something to go ahead and stop being afraid”. I really don’t mean to give you false hope or anything but that just seems to make his feelings clear. From what your telling me it really sounded like he wanted you to kiss him.

After getting emotionally involved with him, nothing physical or sexual I came to the determination that he doesn’t want anything more than be a friend to me and I have had to accept that in a very harsh way.

But please tell me if I am wrong, if a man bought you gifts, told you that you look cute in something your wearing, dedicated songs to you, has said that he LOVES you and is very affectionate with you, wouldn’t you think otherewise? Well I did! I thought I had the MAN of my dreams, the one that knows my situation and is aware of my needs. But I was wrong.

We have gone our seperate ways as friends and now are more distant than ever. Even though I miss our conversations, our walks and alone time, I fell a sense of relief to know that I didn’t take it to the next level with him and he can’t hold that against me if any of this were to arise later on.

I too am in a similar situation, im 34 single (as I cant commit)but have been in love(??) with my best mate for 17 years. We see each other several times a week and most weekends. I believe he feels a platonic only love for me, but I would loke more. I dont think I acutally would want a sexual relationship with him logically, as he can be an ass haha, but reading the above posts has really helped. I think I am in love with him as a really close friend and sometimes this ebbs over to lust. I know if he ever gave me an indication to go for it I would have. But he has been with his girlfriend now for 11 years and she and I are really close too, so I would never hurt her.

I also beleive that it wouldnt work further than how it currently stands, but I also think this odd relationship has stopped me moving on.

Any suggestions??

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Here are guys talking about the same feelings I have been having for years. Oh my, guys expressing dissatisfaction with no strings sex with gays. I read another comment about loving your wife and at the same time being attracted to a man.

Over the years I have tried to find that special friend. I met gay men who said they were ok with me being married. It usually turned out that they are ok with the marriage so long as you putting out.

But it’s so much more than sex. The feeling that there is someone who understands your “secret” side. Someone who is strong and accepting of your foibles.

Yes this could be confused with the desire to have a strong male friendship (sans sex). However, in the past I have found that close male friendships make me desire sex. It’s not just the physical pleasure of the sex, it’s also the intimacy that comes from being emotionally close with another man.

Sorry for rambling, but I was so excited to find this site I had to post my enthusiasm!

Great job!

Like everyone else here I share that particular background that leads me to long for a close friend, to be aware of close proximity and phisical contacts with other men I consider attractive.

During the years I considered myself gay and struggled with the definition of it, the sense of guilt and the still vivid interest for the other sex. I discovered 6-7 years ago (quite late) that sex with a woman and the delicate energy of a smooth body is something completely different to which I can relate at a deeper level. The sex is fully satisfactory and yet how devilishly subtle is the ‘ambush’ I play on myself by never feeling completely satisfied and at peace.

I am in a relationship with a woman I love now and yet I still long for a male intimate touch. I can channel that feeling for the longest stretches of time but it all comes back in its brutal compulsive force making me feel defeated and miserable.

I haven’t spoken to my partner about my feelings mainly because I am not sure on how she would react. I am at a loss and although I love her and we would like to build a future together I fear that I might push her away as I always did in the past.

I understand your frustration, I too have yearned for a guy that can understand and love me for who I am A Married man with kids who happens to be BI. Going to these Gay sites only for Sex is not my thing either. The guys on there really aren’t looking for friends they are just looking for a piece of ass and nothing more. Maybe you and I could be friends depending on where you live. I live in Orlando, FL.

Send me an email if you are interested in at least chatting with someone that is in your same perdicament. That would be nice to atleast get some of the sexual frustration out with someone that is going thru the same situation. My email is oicu875@hotmail.com I await your response.

JC

For about two years now I have “given up” trying to fight my male attractions. I am happily married, with kids, etc.

I think the thing that finally convinced me was discovering that male faces was all it took to “send me into the stratosphere”. At that point, I just said this is too big to stuff inside a box any more.

Currently I have tried to find a good guy friend that is not weirded out by physical closeness or by my telling him what I think about his looks or touching his face or kissing, but no luck. Even tried the Friend Finder, Outpersonals, etc.

Guys it is just way too complicated and very frustrating. So you go to the “gay” friendship sites and they all either want casual sex or are put off by the prospect of building a meaningful relationship with a married guy.

Crap there seems to be no answer.

Well my drama is still unfolding, I know I love him but I am not sure if he can recriprocate the same feelings. Now here is where my dilema goes from good to bad; he told me that he really cares for me, then he told me that he loved me. We are both in this emotional affair that we aren’t doing anything about it. I told him the other day that “what would he do if I kissed him?” he thought about it and said ” Oh, I don’t roll like that”! I said ok then friends it is…….

We have seen each other now everyday for the past month and a half, he is going on a busniness trip today and won’t return till wednesday, I go on a business trip on thursday and won’t return till saturday evening. So I asked him yesterday, “Do you realize that we will be apart and not seeing each other till next Sunday”? He says; “Oh hell, that is a long time, I am going to miss you! But I will have to call you everyday to hear your voice.”

If this isn’t an emotional affair now what is this called?

I want to be able to spend my free time with him and vice versa. We are even planning on having family trips together, now I don’t know if I can contain myself, believe me I have seen him in a pair of wet swimming trunks!!!!

I really do not know if I should keep this emotional roller coaster going, I don’t want to get hurt nor do I want to hurt him. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? Please help me

I regularly and compulsively masturbate over gay porn or pictures of the naked male body, yet when i’m at work, in a club, or any kind of mixed social situation i never feel any attraction whatsoever towards men. It’s like i fancy women and am 100% hetero in situations were people are fully dressed, but when it comes to bodies i am far more aroused by the male

I don’t want a relationship with a transexual so it’s not something i’ve ever integrated into my life, and it’s never really bothered me until now. Was watching Big Brother’s Big Quiz last night (some people in the UK may have seen it) and the former BB contestant Kemal was on it dressed as a woman in a short dress and high heels. I ended up having one of my best orgasms ever fantasising about it. Yet in the most basic sense, i am attracted to women, not men

Here is a scenario; I’m married with kids, I just met this wonderful guy about 3 months ago who is Married with kids aswell. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me, the sense of him being close to me just makes me want to melt. Him and I have not yet done anything physical but I know the desire and fire are there. Now we have spoken about male to male issues and he says that he is the gayest straight man there is, Now how would you percieve this? I didn’t know what to say when he said this. I sometimes just want to grab his face and kiss him, but the fear of lossing our friendship is what is keeping me from actually doing it. I feel that he wants me to make the first move. He has told me about his erections at night and not being able to do anything, he was playing footsies with me while we are all gathered at the kitchen table, he grabs my thigh and says wow you have muscular legs I LOVE THEM, he told me that he cares for me and cherishes the friendship we have. He told me on tuesday for me to be myself around him and that if I needed to say or do something to go ahead and stop being afraid. HUH? The list goes on and on….

The point that I am trying to make is now that I have found a good looking guy that I think is in my same perdicament, that I love to be around, I love carring a conversation with, our wives get along great and so do the kids, should I make the first move? And if so, what should I do? Has anyone been thru this and if so what was the outcome? Please give me some insight.

As family units disintegrate and disperse, having a physical, emotional, and sexual bond with other people kind of makes up for that. The hard part is finding a willing partner who will share that with you.

My questions are these. First, how many others out there have “understandings” with their wives that have been successful. Can these types of understandings really work. Can an occasional evening with a male “friend” be enough to satisfy these desires and urges or can it just lead to other problems? I am very confused and just don’t know what to do.

Thanks for your input.