Mar 04 2009
Reasons to Blog Bisexually
Bitheway.co.uk is open to many voices and we’ve invited contributors from across the world to share their views, opinions and experiences of bisexuality with our community. Up first is a piece by Tiresias an English Literature Major from Oklahoma in the American Mid-west. In his first piece Tiresias discusses what inspires him to write about bisexual issues…
Truth Will Out
I am bisexual, married, and closeted. Currently, bisexuality comprises 95% of my private writing because I can share with others nearly everything else. If I can share my bi thoughts, maybe that will clear my private mind for fiction, politics, and other topics
Ungated Community
Keeping bisexuality locked in my private, encrypted journal does not promote emotional health. Reading bi material makes me feel empowered and relieved to learn I’m not alone. Sharing my thoughts online could help others break the illusion of isolation.
Large Disproportions
Gay & lesbian bloggers abound, and while many of them seem open to bisexuals, they understandably do not focus on what makes bisexuality different. Sex researchers like Kinsey and Klein argue that most people’s sexual radar falls somewhere between the gendered extremes; yet Internet search hits can make bisexuality look like the specialty kink of a rare breed. Bi blogging can help readers better understand the “other” sexuality.
Woman Wide Web
Most bi blogs I’ve found focus on bisexual women. Bi women’s blogs benefit us all, but the blogosphere needs bi men too. Bisexuals of all genders share common concerns, but men and women also have gender-specific concerns, and we can’t expect women to tackle men’s issues for us. The blogging world is not virgin territory for the bisexual man. I don’t know that I’ll cover topics others don’t do already, but that’s not the point. This is not a competition, but a show of hands. The more bi bloggers exist, the more visible bisexuality becomes.
Approaching Normal
It’s no secret that the general public sees queer identity in sexualized terms. If I’m bi (so general wisdom goes), that means I can never be satisfied with just one partner. In the way I experience bisexuality, men are no different from women other than my wife: often cute, but no excuse for infidelity. I believe most of us bi married men lead quietly monogamous lives, and even I’m wrong, we all benefit from snapshots of queer monogamy.
Keeping My Religion
Religion has been the tool of political opportunists and homophobic bigots for so long that many queer people tune out at the first mention of it. Nevertheless, a blog by a woman who calls herself a “closeted pastor” inspired me to consider blogging bisexually. Not all religious expression sounds like the shrill voices on TV.
The Usual Suspects
Any meaningful discussion of bisexuality will come across myths that cry out for response. I’ve read many good “bi education” pamphlets that tackle familiar myths, but as the major media outlets demonstrate, repetition lends credibility. That’s bad when a government alleges weapons of mass destruction, but it’s good when you’re trying to humanize a group many see only through celebrity sensationalism.
Now I’m at the end of my first post, and it feels good to get this out. Openness can be liberating. As Anaïs Nin wrote in her poem Risk:
And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to blossom.
I look forward to sharing with you.
Tiresias
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7 Responses to “Reasons to Blog Bisexually”
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they should give teenagers sex education that covers gender issues and orientation, the sex education we have now doesn’t even touch on it. ignorance is not a good thing
“Approaching Normal”:
The next fight, after getting bisexuality recognised as plausible, is to get polyamory recognised as plausible. Instead of as bullshitese for infidelity.
***
re: ben: I think we’re having so much trouble with teenage pregnancy because sex education is too straight:
1. We teach kids that sex is for reproduction.
2. Kids learn from siblings/porn/masturbation/whatever that sex is fun.
3. Kids try to have sex for fun, but end up doing the reproductive version of the dance instead.
Solution:
Step 1: teach kids the boring biology part. Over-explain the evolutionary function of orgasms is as mechanical a way as possible.
Step 2, several years previously: teach relationships and romance. Young kids grok this already: “Does daddy love mummy? Damn right he does.”
(Step 2a: And especially, don’t enforce heterosexuality.)
Step 3, back in the present: teach about STIs. Don’t teach “contraception”—teach “safe sex”.
(Step 3a: And get over your penis-in-vagina fetish. Let “sex” = whatever. There are other dances.)
The “safe sex” bit was mostly happening already, seven, eight or bloody-hell-was-it-*that*-many years ago when I was at school in Britain.
Step 2 is what’s lacking. Recent such proposals were woefully misconstrued by the Daily Mail brigade as “TEACHING 6-YEAR-OLDS TO HAVE—*gasp*—SEX!”.
Hello.
Tiresias, Be welcome to this page. It’s good to have another writer in this amazing community. I’ll be waiting for your next post. It will be quite interesting reading about another point of view. Greetings from Mexico!
Tiresias,
Thank you for your post. I was struck by a couple of things. Your suggestion that “most of us bi married men lead quietly monogamous lives” rings true with me. I have been happily married for nearly six years, and love my wife deeply. Yet, I have recently had the painful experience of realising that I have become really very fond of a guy I work with, and whilst I have not said or done anything to let him know how I feel, I wonder how I reconcile my determination to be faithful to my wife with a need for male affection that will not go away. I guess this is a struggle that many bi guys have. I’d like to write more about this another time.
But I was also struck by your comments on religion. Yes, I know that there are many people out there who practise a shrill and uncharitable brand of religion, but I’m glad you recognise that it doesn’t have to be like that. I am a Christian, and I have in the past struggled to reconcile my faith and my bisexuality. There are many of us who find the shrill elements of Christianity difficult: I do not see how anyone touched by the love of God can fail to acknowledge the complexity and the paradox of love itself. I’m not keen on fluffy ideas about love: it can be and often is painful, but that pain can make sense in the light of the Christian understanding of a God who loved us enough to take on human suffering. I don’t want to write specifically about bisexuality and Christianity, but I am intreagued by the way in which different types of love relate to each other. If I’m feeling brave one day I might try to write something coherent about that.
I’m glad to have discovered this site – as a straight-leaning bisexual, I find this site chimes more with my experience than much of what I have read elsewhere from the bi community, which often seems heavily focussed on the queerness of bisexuality.
FCO: Thanks:
Marston Ferry:
I understand how it feels to have a crush. If you’re with a girl and grow fond of a guy, your crush can seem all about the gender missing from your life. I think a crush often substitutes for something else – for instance, having no one with whom to discuss your sexuality. If that is the case for you, I hope writing about it can ease your mind.
I am really struck by your comments, Marston. You seem to be writing exactly what I am thinking. I also am married, have children, am satisfied with much of my life,yet am highly attracted to men, and feel I need to express myself somehow sexually with a man, but I can’t feel right about it. I feel I am about to explode sometimes.
Will – have been searching the web for a while but your post sums up my feelings exactly. Thank god I’m not alone.