Dec 10 2008
Female Logic
There’s been a flurry of activity on my post “How to talk to your bisexual boyfriend“, for obvious reasons this is attracting comments from women, who have just discovered or at least suspect that their boyfriend is bisexual. Whist obviously this is a difficult thing for anyone to deal with, I have to admit to been a little amused by the almost 50:50 split between those that say: “At least if he’s interested in men I don’t have to worry about him running off with another woman” and those that say “Great! Now I’ve got to be jealous of men as well as other women.”
What wonderfully flawed female logic this is.
The first group seem to be confusing being bisexual with being gay, assuming they are the special person keeping us straight. The second group seem to confusing being bisexual with being a man-slut and must have a pretty low opinion of themselves if they are so jealous of everyone.
I think though what this illustrates (and guys take note) is that women want us to make them feel special. The first group by equating our bisexuality to homosexuality have already singled themselves out a special, in their eyes they are now the only girl we have eyes for. Truth is we probably never had eyes for anyone else before we came-out, but try convincing her of that before she assumed you were gay. But at least now when she catches you eyeing up a passing skirt you can plausibly claim that you just liked her dress.
Actually there is perhaps more logic to this I’m giving credit for. She’s probably hoping that you’ll burn off the excess sexual energy that women seem to assume men have by shagging other blokes, and as such, she doesn’t have to worry about you having a fling with another girl. What this does though is effectively grants us a license to go out and sleep with as many men as we like provided we return to her arms for our female pleasures. As this will suit most straight-leaning bisexuals, my advice: don’t dispel the myth, let her feel special.
The other women, the ones that are now jealous of everyone. Have some serious self-esteem issues, and I’m sorry, but you as her boyfriend are probably partly to blame for that. No-one who’s gone before you, not family, friends or previous boyfriends has taken the time to make this girl feel special and you haven’t made a big enough effort to convince her you’re not like all the other jerks. So you really have your work cut out.
The truth is most guys do love their wives or girlfriends, we’re just not always very good at showing it. This is really because men’s brains are wired differently to women’s and we don’t see the point of romantic gestures like buying flowers or little courtesies like not leaving the toilet seat up. But to a woman these things tell them that her man is thinking about her and that makes her feel special.
And that my friends, is the secret to a successful relationship. Make your girl realise just how special she is to you.
OK, now when I next get myself hitched, will someone tell me to re-read this post for myself?
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15 Responses to “Female Logic”
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females dont have logic, they have estrogen instead
Ben- Whoa dude, come on now
Yeah, that was a bit harsh mate. :p
Um, no. This is not flawed “female” logic. It’s just flawed logic, and believe me, we bi women have to deal with the same kinds of “logic” from our heterosexual s.o.’s.
But yeah, we do want to feel special. Don’t you?
My experience is that a guy who has a bisexual girlfriend would generally get a lot of kudos from other guys.
Men do not tend to be bi-phobic of bisexual women. Probably because most guys assume (often wrongly) that a bisexual girlfriend is their ticket to a threesome.
Granted in this sense men may also be exhibiting a kind of flawed logic, but its not a trust issue and we are not automatically assuming something negative about women. (There’s nothing wrong with threesomes).
ben,
You are just the type of guy I would NEVER date (and if you happen to be gay, then luckily that will NEVER happen.)
)
And Dave, I’ve known you long enough and hey things will pick up for you again…depression is shitty, but it will pass and you’ll feel brand new and ready to flaunt it again.
i think my point has just been proven, it was just a summery of female thought process implying they use less logic and more emotion when they react to something, yet that gets turned into an insult, there are clues everywhere that women are more irrational than men amongst other things, (there are level headed females but there few and far between) you could argue that males are more aggressive than females with the same kind of comment and you wouldn’t see us saying that we wouln’t date anyone who makes remarks like that or how youv hurt my self esteem ect
Its true to say that women *tend* to be more emotive than men, (and by I mean empathic as much as emotional.) In contrast guys *tend* to be problem solvers, we like to be able to fix things. It makes us feel more of a man.
Example: Girl comes home and wants to talk about a problem at work. A colleague is pissing her off. Boyfriend tells her what to do about it (offers solution). Girl keeps talking about her problem. Guy gets frustrated cos girl has ignored his solution… Girl gets frustrated because guy hasn’t bothered to empathise with her (he just jumped straight to the solution). She accuses him of not listening. Girl and Guy have argument. Fall out and don’t understand why.
Guys – if there is one thing I’ve learnt, girls don’t want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen to them.
Men and women have different skills, recognising those differences and understanding the other person’s way of thinking, is key to a happy relationship.
Ben clearly expects women to be like men, that’s why he calls them irrational. The women are calling Ben a jerk, because he’s failed to empathise with them. The women are wrongly expecting Ben to be like a woman. See the problem?
ben,
No, you haven’t proven a single thing. First off, you started your last comment with an insult (in fact, you can expect one back). Furthermore, my selfesteem is perfectly OK. I don’t have problems finding a date or men coming up to me. I just pointed out the fact that most women would be looking for a gentleman and not some jerk who thinks he’s good at giving insults.
Women are more rational than you might think. It just goes to show why there are still some women out there who thinks all men are jerks (I think you’ve proven that point perfectly well.)
i might be a jerk in your eyes, but thats not a problem because i only go for masculine women.
Good for you then…your ego would probably last longer.
Happy Holidays to you and your love ones
bitheway
I appreciate your breakdown of how the sexes view communication, However, I believe this is not mutually exclusive to either sex. We, as in, all people have different skills as well as ways of self expression. If a guy wants to “discuss” an issue that he is having with a coworker, is he looking for someone to solve his problem or is he just venting and in need of a sounding board? That sympathetic ear.
I’m a guy, 17 years old, I’m alternating bisexual.
I don’t know what to tell her first:
That I really like her as more than just a best friend, or that I am bi. That would also make her the 1st one to know. Hmm… Pondersome. Any tips?
As an alternating bisexual, the only real reason to come-out is because you want her to know, she does not ‘need’ to know and neither will any of your future love interests. As being an alternating bisexual makes no demands of your partner that wouldn’t be made in any other relationship.
Still there are some people you want to tell, you want them to know so they understand you as a whole person. This is a compelling reason to tell them. Also coming out feels good, it is like taking a weight off your shoulders.
However, my experience that many seemingly tolerant straight people, find my bisexuality unattractive. I mention and explain my bisexuality and all of a sudden they don’t want to sleep with me. I’m starting to view this as a mild form of homophobia. But I digress.
I’m sorry I can’t give you clear advice, I can only relate my experiences, ultimately you’ve got to weigh up the pros and cons, the risks and the benefits and decide for yourself.