Dec 10 2008
Borderline Asexual?
Recently I’ve been wondering if I might actually be asexual rather than bisexual. You see, my physical and emotional attraction to people of both sexes still remains, but my sex-life has once again ground to a halt. In fact its gotten so bad I actually went and looked up the definition of asexuality to see if I really was.
Whilst can’t say I’m inundated with requests, I know I can head down to my local gay cruise zone and get myself a man almost any night of the week, I’m still young enough to be considered a decent score by any of the middle aged German tourists we’ve got hanging around. But with all due respect, that feels like prostituting myself and I’m not in that game. Not yet…
On the female front things are not looking much better. I split up with my last girlfriend months ago. I ended it. I said at the time it was because I didn’t want get anyone’s hopes up on a relationship that I could see had no chance of becoming permanent, but looking back it had just as much to do with my sexual apathy.
Still I should probably draw a line before calling myself asexual because I still am interested in having sex and I still respond to sexual partners when I chose to have them (and they choose to have me). I just don’t have a burning desire to get laid every night. Or even every week for that matter.
Maybe my sex-drive has waned because I’m suffering from another bout depression, maybe its because I really don’t want the complications of a relationship at the moment and I have a natural aversion to one night stands.
Honestly? I’m not sure, but its getting hard to blog about sexuality when I’m currently not having sex. As a borderline asexual, I feel somewhat like a fraud. Though at least I might dispel the myth that all bisexuals are sex-crazed nymphomaniacs.
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15 Responses to “Borderline Asexual?”
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like all sexuality, asexuality lies on a continuum you may be a gray-A or borderline asexual as you called it. goto asexuality.org and use the forums to learn more.
Well the definition of asexual offered on asexuality.org is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction”. Well I do experience sexual attraction. I just don’t always feel like jumping into bed with someone every single day.
Personally I think depression is muting my sex-drive. Though I don’t feel unfulfilled for not having sex. To be honest I don’t mind one bit.
i side with the stereotype of being a sex crazed nymphomainiac, and i would go to the local gaybar if they would let me in, but im to young, just the thought gets me aroused. man-slut and proud
i feel sorry for you having a low sex drive, cant imagine life without mine
I totally agree with you about the depression is muting your sex-drive. But there should be nothing to be ashamed about, heaps of men have gone through this stage, both straight and gay.
So instead of beating yourself more (with the help of depression), why don’t you try to live your life one at a time. Then you will eventually get back your “Mojo”! hahaha!
cheerio
I agree that it’s having a low sex drive and not asexuality. I believe that it’s normal for our sex drives to swing way up or way down according to what we have going on in our lives. It would be abnormal for us to be sad, but still want to have sex 24/7. At the samse time, if you were having sex 24/7, who would have time to be sad?
Lex… don’t worry, I’m not beating myself up about it, except to say its getting harder to write a blog about sexuality when I’m not having any.
I’ve written before (on this site and queerunity’s, I think) that I border on being asexual. I’m similar to how you described yourself.
But to me, sexuality and sex is totally different. One is the state of sexual preference (if I am not mistaken) and sex is an act.
This is your blog by the way, so you can write any crap you want, mate. Even though it has nothing to do with sexuality or sex. If you were to write about sex, there will be heaps more raunchy entries over here, which I don’t think I have seen any over your blog.
i get that . happens to me when i get depressed. i get very sad and dont want sex . and im 19.
i like sex but at the moment i dont want anyone avaleable to me.(one gay guy who i cant stand except for sex(he knos this btw)) and i never seem to be any good at pulling
well asexuality like sexuality lies on a continuum so the mere fact that you like sex sometimes doesn’t not make you an asexual. you may be a more high sex-driven asexual, or a low sex-driven sexual?
I’m DEFINITELY not asexual. I’m (as my boyfriend jokingly calls) bi from the waist up, and we’re a poly couple… but I haven’t had sex in months because he has a low sex drive and I also abhor one night stands.
Lack of sex doesn’t make you asexual. Lack of sexual attraction to anyone or any thing at any time does.
To Bitheway (I’d like to have emailed you personally but meh…)
I have a personal question as a person who is currently in the process of coming to accept his bisexuality and having read a lot about your own process.
I am just curious to know if ,since having realised your attraction to men, you have found yourself becoming ‘more gay’ (for want of much better phrasing).
Despite my current fantasising over men being limited to a very small number of highly selective hardcore porn clips (themselves sometimes being hetero but my focus being largely on him) I am worried that an acceptance of being bi is going to amount to a gradual slide further towards becoming actually gay. I effect I am terrified of some sort of openning of ‘pandoras box’.
I know this perspective is rediculous and very much a victim of the times we live in but I would non the less like to hear your views….
Hi T
To answer your question… Immediately after I came out I wholeheartedly gave myself permission to lush after men, this increased my “gayness” in the sense that I not only became open with others about my attractions, but I also allowed my mind to wonder freely and allowed myself the feeling I’d been suppressing.
Though 12 months later, I’m in love with a beautiful woman. So on balance, no overall it has not increased my “gayness”, but it has given me permission to be myself.
David.
David,
Thats great to hear to be honest. I am only just giving my own mind the freedom to explore areas I had tried to ignore previosuly so to hear of your success in having done so is great.
I too am in love with a beautiful woman, I think the only problem is that I have begun this realisation process all within the time of being with this girl. I have vague curiosity that I would sometimes like to explore or just get off my chest in some physical sense but of course I cannot because I am dedicated to my girl and she would be uncomfortable with it.
T
I know, I feel the same way. Though the thing is that I know what my deppression stems from, but I hate that I can’t do anything about it.