Comments on: Bisexuality seems rather common

By: Matthew

Matthew — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 06:59:38 +0000

I think Freud’s idea of polymorphically perversevis a much more accurate idea than “innate bisexuality” as one poster said they are attracted to “one woman” just as some people are attracted to aspects, features, gestures, feathers, shoes, etc. Sex is really very fluid. I have always found it interesting that gay theory rejects Freud who talks about innate sexualities, and yet embraces Foucault who does not believe in “nature” and yet then in the same breath exclaim “I was born this way!” It is of course because Freud thought the homosexuality was also partly caused from trauma and the second wave Freudians attempted to “cure” it. Yet at it’s root Freud is actually more affirming of the “nature theory”. He was just advocate of “normalcy”. Ussually Queer theory along with Feminist theory is incredibly dogmatic and anti-intellectual. It’s soul purpose is to help everyone feel good about themselves rather than a pursuit of truth or what Foucault would say “what passes for truth.”

By: Biman

Biman — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 14:14:33 +0000

It’s only in about the last 3 years that I have fully come to terms with my bisexuality. I’m 30. And male. I could not be in a relationship with a man but they really turn me on. It is tough. I have slept with several men and love it. I don’t want the relationship though. Arghhh..LOL

By: Petra

Petra — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:16:23 +0000

I agree with Jamie – it’s far easier to be a straight woman than a bi woman, and there are so many women out there who would prefer to deny a part of themselves than deal with the baggage and the social ramifications, unfortunately.

By: Mike

Mike — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 21:17:41 +0000

hej! I found ur blog here a couple of weeks ago and I really enjoy reading it. As for this post, I have to say, that I am sure, that most bisexuals fear the label, living without it, is just so much more comfortable. Me myself, I havent outed myself as a bisexual, except for two very close friends and I won’t do it until I have a serious relationship with a guy. The reason is, there is just no point of freaking my entire environment out, if maybe I never have to tell them.

Furthermore I believe in Freud’s assumption that everybody is bisexual and societal and personal pressure is keeping one side blocked

By: Jamie

Jamie — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:50:43 +0000

I think a lot of people are quite simply afraid of the baggage, as you said. It’s one thing to kiss someone of the same gender, but coming out requires a lot more commitment and honesty, and we all know about the awkward conversations. I think a lot of people invent a sort of heterosexuality – or homosexuality, for that matter – wherein they can get away with kissing someone they wouldn’t normally, enjoy it, and still maintain their orientation.

(How that works, I’ll never know.)

Coming out as a different orientation is scary. Personally, I don’t blame people for being afraid to do it. But I don’t believe in heterosexuals who enjoy homosexual encounters – there’s a word for that, ya know.

Interesting note: I have a gay friend who once, after a few too many, tried to kiss me and confessed to actually being bisexual. He called himself a Kinsey 4 or 5. I had to wonder if coming out as bisexual was scarier to him than coming out as homosexual.

By: bitheway

bitheway — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:22:38 +0000

QueerUnity – When you actually start having regular same-sex sexual relations then I think you go past the bi-curious stage.

If every morning, without fail, I have a banana milkshake, but one morning I decide I’d like to have a strawberry shake instead, because I’ve never had that flavour before. Then that’s being curious. But having a strawberry milkshake every second Tuesday thereafter, means I’ve gone past being curious about it and probably enjoy it… Either that or I’ve ran out of bananas.

[End over the top metaphor]

By: queerunity

queerunity — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:49:57 +0000

well if she identifies as primarily heterosexual and can’t orgasm with a female, than she is prob just bi-curious and thats why she rejects the label.

By: bitheway

bitheway — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:34:48 +0000

Sean – that’s a very thoughtful post, I’ve got to say I agree with you 100%. You actually got me asking myself why I want my bisexuality to be recognised and why I care about people’s perceptions. The explanation is a post in itself so I’ll get back to you.

Makai – I get what you are saying about your best friend and about been attracted to men and to *a* woman, not to women.

Personally I work on a very broad (but logically accurate) definition of bisexuality, namely that anyone who is not exclusively straight or exclusively gay is bisexual. So I’d say that makes you bisexual, but that’s just my opinion.

Though you should know that bisexual behaviour and levels of attraction vary widely between one person and the next, you don’t have to conform to the modal stereotype to be bisexual.

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:09:38 +0000

Much of the point of a label is that it’s supposed to be sort of a summary of something about you. And ideally the label bisexual would carry just the meaning that you (and I) would ascribe to it. But if you feel like a certain label will give people “the wrong idea” about you, you aren’t going to readily use it.

Your “circumstantial” guy there has no reason to apply the label to himself, because he doesn’t consider that incident part of his identity and because he risks being considered gay, which would do nothing but make life more complicated.

As for your female friend, she probably sees her relations with women as being lesser or on a different level than those with men. So it’s much easier and psychologically fitting to her to see straight relationships as the core of her identity, than to set up this more complex category that doesn’t have much general recognition anyway. Or she might feel just as strongly about women and be in denial (I wouldn’t know, I don’t know her).

In the end, I don’t think people are very motivated to fit under the bisexual label because of sex itself, because the label is about communication with people you aren’t intimate with, and most people’s sex lives are as private/personal as they want them to be. People can decide which individuals they want to sleep with without truly incorporating that into their public identity. What makes people want to use the bisexual label and have it taken seriously is when they have strong emotional attachments to people of both sexes, and they feel the need for those attachments (or that capability) to be recognized generally. Maybe someone else’s experience is different, but that’s what I’ve noticed.

By: Kid A

Kid A — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:24:34 +0000

I think also a lot of gay-identified bisexuals are also afraid to identify as bi. I inevitably get the same line from gay men: “Well, I think bisexuals I’ve known are just gay and don’t want to come out all the way.” I always counter, how many of your gay friends are bi and are afraid to identify so?

By: Makai

Makai — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:07:34 +0000

I myself have had a hard time identifying with a label. I never had a same sex attraction until my last two years of undergraduate studies. I’m currently in love with my best friend of now 4 years. I’m still very much attracted to the opposite sex and regard myself to actually only find my BF attractive. I don’t look at other women nor could I see myself in a relationship with, sexual or otherwise.

It’s hard to describe and it’s something I’ve been struggling with for the past 3 years.

I’m in love with a woman. But only attracted to this one woman, not womEN.

So I am bisexual. But….well I don’t know.

But I do enjoy your blog!