I find that the male (and female) gay community, while espousing to the public the acceptance and tolerance of LGBT lifestyles, is itself intolerant of the concept of bisexuality, and in fact is downright hostile towards it. As if a man who has gay relationships cannot possibly be attracted to a woman, or a woman in a lesbian relationship ever attracted to a man.

Bisexuality is a real orientation — an attraction to both sexes. Perhaps some bi’s are more comfortable settling with one sex vs. another, to either identify as straight or gay so as to be part of a an identified group, and not shunned.

I am glad to see this subject discussed, as I think more people than would like to admit to, actually have a sexual orientation to both sexes.

I feel somewhat out of place posting on this message board, but can’t really figure out where I should turn. I’m a straight female teenager who is very much interested in men, but I have a kind of problem. The other day someone used the term “fruitfly” to describe it, but I don’t know what to term it. It seems that gay and bisexual men are very attracted to me, for some unknown reason; I have had a steady 2-year long relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay, and several sexual encounters with gay and bisexual guys as well.

I thought that moving off to college might change things, but all of the guys who seem to be interested in me are either gay or bisexual. I don’t have a personal problem with that at all, it’s just that it’s extremely frustrating for me because I am sexually and emotionally attracted to them and they SEEM to reciprocate this attraction, but several maintain that they are actually gay or gay-leaning bisexuals. This makes NO sense to me. Even just this past weekend, I went with some gay guy friends to a popular gay bar (I love to dance!) and ended up dancing with one of them (he’s bisexual).

At first it was just like dancing with a friend, but then it got pretty steamy and rather than just playful dancing, he seemed to get really into it. He began grinding on me and he started to grasp around my waist, stroke my body, things of that nature. My previous detachment was gone immediately and I was turned on, and now it’s all I can do not to think about him. He even texted me to say what a great time he had with me afterward, and keeps wanting to get together alone. I don’t know what to do, seeing as I am very attracted to him but afraid. I’m so afraid…

I can’t handle another relationship where the guy turns to other guys in the end, but at the same time, it’s almost like I don’t care and would be willing to just wait for him to figure things out. I don’t know…I just don’t understand gay/bisexual men’s attraction for me. Or my unconscious attraction towards them! Is there something wrong with me? If anyone is willing to give some advice or comment, I would appreciate it immensely and be so grateful!

Thank you

That said, today, most men are not normal. Because of social pressures, the above normal development is restricted. Many politicians, parents, predators and psychiatric professionals interfere with normal sexual development.

Anyone, myself included who is older than 25 that calls themselves a bisexual has sexual development issues. As well as self esteem issues.

I am sexually aroused by both sexes somewhat equally but probably lean 60%-40% towards men. Emotionally (not to be confused with sexually), I feel much more comfortable being with men in a social setting.

Although my partner and I are in a long-term committed relationship, we do have sex with other people on occasion. Since we are both men, we realize that sex doesn’t necessarily equate with love. I know women find that difficult to understand, but it more natural for men to want multiple partners.

Any time I have brought up the subject of bisexuality with my partner and/or gay friends, I pretty much get the same reaction which is disbelief that such a thing exists. All my gay friends believe that guys who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, hiding the fact that they are really gay. I understand that reasoning, but, from personal experience, I know this to be faulty reasoning. If there is a scale, as Kinsey suggests, then there will be people who fall somewhere in the middle. I know there are because I am one of them.

Once when I tried to have a serious conversation with my partner about bisexuality and having an open relationship, it got very strained. Oddly, he was totally fine with me having occasional sexual encounters with another man, but bristled and laughed at the thought of me having sexual relations with a woman. First of all, he “knows” that I couldn’t possibly be interested in women because I like men and, secondly, I could tell it made him extremely uncomfortable to think of me with a woman. My interpretation of his reaction is that he would not be able to compete with a woman and thus my attraction to women would lead to a possible end to our relationship…very much how a married woman might think with regards to finding out her husband has been having gay affairs behind her back. I believe to my partner, it is the ultimate betrayal because, in the end, he would really wonder who he was involved with for so many years.

I am a pretty honest, respectful, and loving person, but I keep this secret for a couple of reasons. I must be true to myself and I don’t want to hurt the person I love most in this world. I don’t see any benefit to telling him that I find women attractive and that I actively seek out sexual encounters with them. I realize that most people will think lesser of me, but I have no control over that.

Whenever I pursue a woman, I’m always honest and upfront about being bisexual. I clearly get rejected every so often, but it has been surprising at how many women are cool with it. I think it’s so much easier to discuss this subject with women who I meet because I don’t have a 20 year history with them and they don’t have pre-determined expectations.

As far as my gay friends are concerned, very few of them know about my bisexuality. In the gay world, it is a totally taboo subject met with a great deal of hostility.

I’m kind of a freak in that I am attracted to “hot” women (women most of society deems hot), fat girls, older women…pretty much anything with a good shape. I am also attracted to pretty much any kind of man. The point is this: I think most people have some skeletons in their closets when it comes to sex, and needless to say I have a whole cemetery in mine. Some men are chubby chasers or like to have their butts played with or etc etc. However, I have never been unfaithful to my wife with anyone of the opposite or same sex and don’t feel the need to…she satisfies me completely. I don’t want to know her skeletons and I surely won’t tell her mine. She might be a little (or a lot) freaked out, as would everyone else in my life.

I am sorry to any gay guys as it might seem as though I am keeping your fight for equal rights at a halt. It just isn’t necessary in my life to let this secret out. It isn’t my fight to fight. Also, keeping a secret makes it more fun…I feel like a stupid kid when I go into a gay porn store and bring african american porn to the hot black guy at the counter and get that little look from him…but I get that same rush from women, my wife included. It’s just a guilty pleasure of mine, as I think it might be for most straight-leaning bi guys. For instance, I frequent a gay porno theater with private booths, but I get a rush from being in the room with all the guys, watching the moive, then taking care of myself in one of the booths in the back (by myself, of course). It’s pretty much the same thing as the guy who tells his wife he is playing poker while he is really getting a lap dance at the local titty bar.

Being bi can be a little scary at first, but is pretty simple and a lot of fun when you come to terms with it! In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it quiet, as long as you can handle it.

If it’s any consolation, I understand your sense of feeling grossed out by what your boyfriend is asking of you. I have never found the idea of anal sex at all appealing, and have in the past had to have some delicate conversations with guys who really wanted me to do that for them. I think respect for each others’ boundaries is essential in any relationship: don’t feel obliged to do things you’re not comfortable with just to please your boyfriend.

A desire for anal penetration does not make someone gay. Or even bisexual.

My advice: head to the sex shop buy a double ended strap-on and shag each others brains out. It might add a new dimension to your love-life. Just remember to buy some lube too!

If you are worried about messiness you can purchase stuff at a pharmacy to clean him out first.

My boyfriend is always pressuring me for anal sex. Not just on my end, but he wants me put my fingers in his backside. Sorry folks, but this grosses me out.

I told him I would be willing to go to the sex shop and see what we could find to “experiment.” I am willing to try to please him, in that he is 50 and thinks he is suffering from male menopause, having difficulty maintaining erections, feeling aroused, etc.

Last nite something happened that was beyond wierd.
We were spooning, and beginning to have sex.
He pulled me closer to him and said ” put your cock”…..then he stopped for a minute, as if he realized what he had said. Then he repeated “put your cock inside of me.”
I know I sound stupid to ask if he is gay. I guess at this point it is OBVIOUS……………..it was like, instead of saying the wrong persons name, he said the wrong piece of equipment. He lived in Vegas for years and used to be very promiscuous, but has told me he has settled down and is now wanting to be in a monogomous relationship.
We have even discussed marriage!!!

All day it has been creeping me out, hearing hiim say “put your cock………” and then stopping, like he was horrified, then a moment later almost covering it up…..but not very well, as he just continued on and said “put your cock insiide of me.” Now my mind is wanting to think:
he was just wording what he wanted me to say????
yeah right. Please, any feedback?????????

I’ve just stumbled across this site (and despite being a bisexual woman, boy am I glad I did!) and wanted to say how incredible an experience it is for me to find people voicing the opinion of the ‘minority within a minority’.

I’m a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with a man, as like you I suppose you would call me ‘alternating’. However, I’m active in the queer life at my university campus, and am an executive member of the social group. You’re right about the prejudices you can meet, but I’ve also found that the other members of the university community are more than willing to use me as a sort of poster child to encourage others to approach us. All in all, I just wanted to say that I really do appreciate what you’re doing here, and how much it means to all of us!

I think there is such a thing as “Bi” however I would never ever knowingly date a bisexual again.