If only we wore badges, there would be an easy way to tell.

There are no sure-fire to identify people who are closet bisexual or closet gay. Come to think of it, its hard enough to identify people who are out and proud, because contrary to popular belief we don’t go around screaming it from rooftops. (Except once a year during pride marches.)

Going to gay-bars and nightclubs is a good safe place to meet other like minded men, there are unlikely to be any straight men in these bars, so you can be pretty sure all the men will be gay or bi.

Another great place is the internet sites like manhunt.com are ideal for meeting random strangers.

But as far as discovering people within your community or your circle of friends, that’s hard. But statistically 1 in 20 men will share your desires. So you almost certainly know men your own age and within your own community who are gay or bisexual. You might not know who they are, but know that they are there!

A final though… a bit of fun really…
My brother did got some “Smile if you Gay” T-shirts printed - perhaps wearing one of those is the answer?

Now, I am with a woman and very happy. I cant say that i don’t enjoy the thought of defiling a man from time to time, but i am happy with this one girl whom is the love of my life.

I am a handsome gay guy and I love going to “straight” bars.

In my own personal experience, the number of closeted gay men in “straight” bars ( and everywhere else for that matter ) is astronomical. These guys are the most sexiest, masculine guys you could ever see and most of them have girlfriends, husbands and kids.

Guys will check me out, make eye contact, and grope their crotches right in front of me … IT”S UNBELIEVABLE !

As you can imagine, the nasty dirty looks I get from women is not good. If looks could kill, I would have been dead decades ago.

It’s so very sad that most men have to lie about their beautiful natural attraction for other men.

“HONESTY IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF LOVE !”

Your sexual orientation is a permanent part of your DNA. The way you behave is a complex part of your community, family upbringing, religious beliefs, etc. So you can play the field as a bisexual, but your orientation at the end of the day is either gay or straight.

You’ve written another wonderful, informative article!

So I agree with Terrie, a vast majority of these guys who say they are gay act very suspect. In fact I’ve met very few gay guys I would call “real gays” most just seem like closet bi-sexuals who use gay culture as a way of coming out of their shell (many of them seem too flamboyantly happy), getting laid (by anyone) and taking interest in things straight men should be allowed to take interest in anyway (fashion, hair, pink things, ect).

As for why a bisexual guys might end up with a male instead of a female. I have a few theories on that. One is that, usually guys have a tendency to get along with other guys better. They have similar interests, upbringing and can generally understand each other better. I know personally my current girlfriend has gotten all huffy puffy with me a couple of times and exclaimed “why do guys and girls have to be so different, if we are meant to be together then why are the sexes so different”.
But her and I have both noticed that my two gay guy friends have the same problems in their relationship that straight couples have. It’s really got me wondering whether people should really be in relationships/marriages at all.

Another reason I think a bisexual guy might end up with another guy has to do with meeting them. Single attractive women (at least in my area) are hard to find and when you do there are usually 4 other guys hitting on them at the same time. They definitely have their pick, it’s almost unfair. When you go out to bars or clubs or such social places that have been set up by our society to meet other people, half the girls there are just out for a girls night or just aren’t interested at all. I’ve been called hot by several girls and guys so I know it’s not just me either. Women are less likely to want to meet new guys in places guys go to actually try to meet women. Being a single guy in your late twenties or thirties trying to meet women is a difficult game. On the other hand, there are plenty of guys out there at gay bars looking to meet other guys. Because we have a tendency to think the same way as other guys. We go to clubs not to dance and “catch up with our friends” but to meet people of sexual interest. Women seem to rarely go out for that reason.

The last reason I might give has to do with sex. Guys are horny. I’ve been in two long term relationships with women and after the first or second year, sex just goes downhill. They rarely want it anymore. This has been scientifically proven as well. A mans libido may stay consistent over the years but most womens libidos dwindle over time the longer they are in a relationship, for various reasons. For a horny guy this often leads to breaking up, divorce or cheating. But if they are with a guy who is equally horny and consistent, well, that isn’t so much an issue.

Another great post, I must say. I guess this is one question that has often been ringing around in my head ever since I started to go on a journey to discover my sexuality.

In my personal experience, I think that I am definitely not a closeted gay man. In fact, I think I was a closeted bisexual man for a very long time. I felt that adopting the gay label was much easier because at least, being gay wasn’t confusing to me.

To me, I felt that being gay was actually easier than coming to terms with the fact that you are bisexual. I personally feel that it’s easier to have either “two feet out the door” or “two feet in the door” than have “one foot out and the other foot in the door”. I felt that it was a GREAT myth that being bisexual is easier. In fact, it was harder for me to come to terms with being bisexual as compared to the time when I thought I was really just gay. I feel that as a bisexual, your struggle is more within you as compared to being gay, where the struggle is more for acceptance within the society you live with. It’s harder to struggle with yourself than with a bunch of other people because you can easily brush those bunch of people aside.

But I digress. Anyway, it was only when I felt that I could be attracted to a woman that I suddenly realised that maybe I wasn’t even gay to begin with. I finally realised that I had actively suppressed my attraction to women and to this very day, I’m still trying to NOT suppress myself if I ever felt that I had feelings for a woman or I felt attracted to them in any way.

So, to me, I felt that this question was never a question because I thought of myself as gay at first until I realise later that I really am indeed a bisexual. Sometimes, I do ask myself whether this was a result of me internalising some sort of homophobia. Well, suffice to say that in my future, as long as my partner is someone I can connect with and someone who fits my bill as my significant other, I really don’t care whether she’s a woman or he’s a man. That is me coming to terms with myself.

Sometimes, bisexual men can never win but, oh well.

Excellent posts and work! I completely agree with the one above and it is put pretty simply in a clear way.

I feel the same and never have met another really comfortably bisexual guy (out or not). Almost as if there were none and you guys were ghosts on the internet.

A

I think gay & lesbian people like to think that is true more often than it really is. In my original post, I ignored one other major factor which leads to “bi-first gay-later” declarations and that’s the pressure to pick sides.

Also as a bisexual man, I do feel like a complete freak. And I actually think it would be easier for me to be gay, not vice versa. I’ve never had a face to face meeting with another out bisexual man and yet I have at least half a dozen gay friends. If it wasn’t for the internet, I’d feel completely isolated.

Its a myth that being bisexual is an easy option. Contrary to popular belief its not a way to straddle gay and straight worlds, because in the end you feel like you belong to neither, you are at best a minority within a minority.