Jul 15 2008
Enduring a straight streak
Well its been a few weeks since I’ve had any major crushes or lusts after other guys, so I’m officially on a “straight streak”. I guess this contrasts nicely with the “Gay Days“, I’ve described previously. Its kind of weird going through a period like this where your attractions are almost exclusively heterosexual, it makes you kind of question what you are doing writing a blog like this. What authority do I have to talk about queer issues when I haven’t seen a guy that makes me want to rip his shirt off in what seems like ages? (Truth be told its been about 3 weeks.)
I guess I’ve been rather immersed in straight culture of late, football, outdoor activities, not your typical ‘urban chic’ gay scene. But that’s a cliché too right? Queer culture isn’t limited to disco bars and outdoor cafes. I mean Bisexual and Gay people like sports as well, don’t they? Still the overtly straight-macho environment doesn’t present the best opportunities for honest self-expression.
Does simply surrounding yourself with straight-dom make you straight? I don’t think so and I sure as hell hope not. But I have to admit these straight-streaks leave you rather confused, you end us questioning your sexuality all over again and these horrible thoughts like: “Have I made a huge mistake in coming out?” start rattling around your head.
Still for now I’m philosophical about things, sexuality is a bit like weight, it changes, swinging around your personal average. Some times of year your feel really fat, others you are flexing those abs. Bisexuality is a similar state of affairs. Your level of attraction to one gender or the other varies with time. Besides, who knows my “straight streak” might be coming to an end - the latest copy of GT has just arrived.
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I know exactly what you mean! There are times when I think, “wow, why did I come out at all?” and others when I think “while I was at it, I should have just come out as gay!”
One of those things I guess.
Fantastic blog you have here - it’s reassuring to read so much on your blog that sounds so familiar: Fluctuating preferences, a desire for monogamy, etc. I’ve always known I’m not the only one, but it still feels good to confirm my bi feelings by reading from others.
I’m going through a gay period at the moment, but I can relate you your straight streak. Fluctuations like these have made it difficult to even understand my sexuality, let alone come out to other people about it. Nevertheless, I’m clearly bisexual. Despite my occasional straight/gay streaks, I usually feel attracted to both.
I don’t know why so many of us bi’s focus on the question of which gender we really prefer, except that others often want bisexuals to make a choice. For me, it seems I enjoy the tension between homo/heterosexuality, and so I never give rest to the question of which gender I prefer.
[...] follow up on my previous post about “Enduring a Straight Streak“, to add to the confusion, I met someone last night - a girl - a woman in fact. We seemed to [...]