Comments on: I’m still closet with old people

By: bitheway

bitheway — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 10:24:46 +0000

I’d like to imagine a day when the question “so are you married?” can be answered without there been any implication that the person you are married to is of the opposite sex.

By: ThisOldWomanIsOnlyAGirl

ThisOldWomanIsOnlyAGirl — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 04:12:47 +0000

Rhys – I’m imagining the day when the conversations at high school reunions and other catching-up-with-old-acquaintance events include the question “so, are you partnered?” instead of “so, are you married?”

Not of course to imply that permanent partnership is for everyone! or that marriage is only for straight/straight relationships! It just seems like a more inclusive word, and if the answer is “oh yes, I partnered back in 2008,” it puts less assumption on the gender of said partner and the exact nature of the relationship

By: bitheway

bitheway — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 13:08:59 +0000

“Don’t ask don’t tell is a fine policy to follow.”

Not in the context of the military.

By: Rhys

Rhys — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 10:09:41 +0000

I don’t think you should ever lie to anyone about who you are, but not everyone has to know about your private life.

Don’t ask don’t tell is a fine policy to follow.

There is nothing more frustrating than someone who parades themselves around to everyone, or denies every aspect of themselves.

I haven’t come out to my parents because it seems totally irrelevant. I don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, so it doesn’t affect anything. I will come out to them when I want to bring a male home, though. I hate how it is just presumed that everyone is heterosexual until proven otherwise. Someday things will be different.

By: Pegasez

Pegasez — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:23:12 +0000

Our elders don’t need any more stress, and unless they have dealt with this when younger, it’s best to just play nice. I will never tell my 83 year old mother, she’d get all wound up about it – my divorce was hard enough on her.

Everyone else though, because visibility is important, will at least get a hint that I’m more “open hearted” than most. There’s a rainbow stripe on my bumper, which after the election will be replaced by a three-color Bisexual banner. That should be enough for now.

By: somxsgay

somxsgay — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 23:17:26 +0000

You’re a courageous person with amazing insight and a wonderfully colorful way of expressing yourself in print. Reading through the archives of your blog has been a tremendous help to me. I am not yet fully developed in my sexual orientation. Socially, I am not only struggling to come out with my sexual preference/s, but I really haven’t launched sufficiently from my family of origin. I will be alright, because I am determined to continue broadening my horizon through human interaction and general exploration. I think it caring and wise that you do not rush to come out to the elderly. In fact, it is wise to be slow in coming out to people concerning sexual orientation; it can be a real slap in the face to hear the details of anyone’s sexual preference… Essentially, announcing sexual orientation is TMI (too much information) for most people. When I reached a certain age and level of maturity, I concluded that the only people who really need to hear about my sexual preference are the people I intend to pursue intimacy with. I made plenty of noise during my twenties. I was shocked and amazed at my proclivity for sexual social flexibility and took it upon myself to toss it in the face of everyone I could to see what their reaction would be and to remove the uniqueness of my astonishment. The fact that you care about your Nan and your Elder friend enough to not announce your sexuality as though it is an alert from EBS is admirable and shows that you are indeed a conscientious adult, perfectly fine regardless of who you sleep with or who you are attracted to. I’m so glad I found your blog. Thanks, bitheway.

By: Jillian

Jillian — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:37:11 +0000

I have to admit, while I have come out to just about everybody I know, it’s still really hard for me to come out to older people. and I haven’t come out to my grandparents. My grandmother and grandfather are both in their 70′s and have very strict catholic backgrounds. When I was in junior high and my best male friend came out as gay my grandparents tried to forbid me from speaking to him ever again because he was “sick”. Once I finally convinced them that this wasn’t so they settled down a little, but ever since then and since the birth of my daughter they have told me numerous times how happy they are that I “didn’t get poisoned by his influence.” I really think I wouldn’t have a problem telling them about my sexuality if I though that they would understand what it means to be bisexual and that bisexual does not mean gay.

By: Bookmarks about Closet

Bookmarks about Closet — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:15:35 +0000

[...] – bookmarked by 4 members originally found by maiji on 2008-07-20 I’m still closet with old people http://www.bitheway.co.uk/2008/07/04/im-still-closet-with-old-people/ – bookmarked by 4 members [...]

By: bridgeout

bridgeout — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:40:56 +0000

My partner and I have talked about this. We just figure in our own lives that we don’t need to freak out the old folks in our lives. We like to live authentically, but don’t want to be in anyone’s face over it…
Excellent blog BTW! Found you on Queers United

By: Jamie

Jamie — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:29:29 +0000

Don’t beat yourself up over it; everybody short of Andrea Dworkin is closeted to old people. As I’ve said before, I think bisexuals are plagued with a certain guilt over not necessarily needing to come out – we still can pass as heterosexual – and many feel the need to come out to everyone they see in order to avoid feeling that guilt. Don’t. If people want to assume, let them.

By: bitheway

bitheway — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 13:26:41 +0000

Well I’m currently working on the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ principal as its currently not something that is making an issue of itself. And whilst I don’t think either are outwardly homophobic or bi-phobic, I think they belong to the NIMBY generation. IE: they can be passive about homosexuality and bisexuality provided they don’t have to come face to face with it or deal with in their immediate family or friends.

By: queerunity

queerunity — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 02:56:49 +0000

you could start the subject with talking about same-sex marriage and see what they think, or don’t ask don’t tell maybe?