Comments on: How to talk to your bisexual boyfriend

By: bitheway

bitheway — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 10:11:19 +0000

Hi Alice - no problem. I’m sure you and your boyfriend will do just fine.

If you need to talk to someone about this, then you are very welcome to post any questions or comments you have here on the Blog.

There are also a number of other on-line resources which I’ve linked down the side of the page. In particular the Shy Bi-Guys Forum, which is normally a male only realm but they offer temporary membership to women with questions about by bi boyfriends or husbands, you might find this useful in the short term.

Tom Robinson’s web site Both Ways is also pretty good as is this guide I think I’m Bi what do I do now? from Bi Community News.

By: Alice

Alice — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 05:57:45 +0000

Thank you so much for posting this, bitheway.
My boyfriend just came out to me last night. I know I didn’t act in the best manner as I could’ve: I cried and got really upset because my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and neither of us never really knew. He told me he never considered being bi after all these years because he was with me; however, after several things triggered his questioning of his orientation, he finally figured it out 2 weeks ago and didn’t know how to tell me. I’m the only one who knows and it’s really hard keeping this to myself because I want to discuss this with other people.
The thing I was most afraid of, though, was that he would leave me for another guy. I started getting paranoid as to how he realized he was bi because I thought, “Did he start seeing how hot some guys are?” and freaked out because I thought he’d be less attracted to me. However, he said that his newfound orientation didn’t change his love for me at all and that he still loved me very much and didn’t want to leave me…
Anyway, to shorten it up, my case was definitely Case A and I just needed some closure as to how to deal with the situation. I apologized to him for acting horribly tonight after reading this because I was being selfish and completely in my own shock instead of realizing how much it hurt him to hear me cry over what he told me. So thank you very much for helping me realize how much support he needs from me. I’m sorry this was so long, but I just really wanted to thank you very much for this advice. =)

By: bitheway

bitheway — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 15:43:01 +0000

Even though “Hardup” posted with what strikes me as an obviously forged email address and untraceable alias, I decided to publish her comment as an example of exactly the kind of bigoted prejudice bisexual men have to put up with.

Hardup: I’m sorry you had a shitty experience. But don’t tar us all with the same brush! Least of all because not all bisexuals want a three-way relationship (read: The Alternating Bisexual.) There are also many successful polyamorous relationships, particularly those where both partners have other sexual partners.

Right now you are blinded by your own anger at your ex-boyfriend, but that doesn’t give you the right to take it out on the rest of us.

By: hardup

hardup — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 13:45:30 +0000

HELLO ALL, i would just like to say one thing -why on earth would a woman, having been in a relationship, settle for a bisexual man??

It’s almost as if you are giving him a free ticket to go off and do whatever it is to keep his life on the straight and narrow - SELFISH, he most definately is.

Girls, from a person who has been there and done that - one the bisexuality comes out, there is no where for a heterosexual relationship to go - unfortunately, rather than battling with one sex (being the opposite one) you are battling with two - it’s just too big an ask!

I was in love, and then i realised that actually, the life I wanted to lead was not with 3 people in the relationship, him, me and his bit of man from time to time - it is disgusting and to be honest, shows that a man as very little thought for his lady!

Bi = gay! Men that are bi are too afraid to bite the bullet. Opposite sex relationships are the norm, so staying in the safe zone is fine, until urges subside. Any man that wants to have sex with another man ..and then a woman..and then a man IS GAY.

By: confused one

confused one — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 04:41:13 +0000

Ok.. so I am one of those that it was kept hidden from. Loving someone for 2 years giving it my all, and then felt things were just not right.. one suspicion led to another..

Of course in talking with him, it was all denied…

The thing that has me angered the most is why is he trying to live a secret life? To allow one to fall in love with them and not be honest, I feel is just not right.

By: Leigh

Leigh — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 12:48:56 +0000

Just recently my boyfriend came out to me. We had been together since the 8th grade- 6 years. I am also bisexual and had my suspicions about him, but I waited patiently for him to be comfortable enough to tell me. When he finally confessed, we decided that since we had been together so long, neither of us had been able to explore our sexuality. So, I gave him permission to have sex with other guys, but we have certain guidelines. It can have its moments of high stress in the relationship, but it also feels good to be in a relationship that is so loving and secure. Im just glad he no longer has to hide who he is.

By: How can I tell if my boyfriend is bisexual? | Bi The Way

How can I tell if my boyfriend is bisexual? | Bi The Way — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:04:58 +0000

[...] But by far the simplest solution is just come right out and ask him, though before you do I’d recommend you read my earlier post on How to talk to your bisexual boyfriend. [...]

By: Cupid

Cupid — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 00:40:52 +0000

Hey Kid A,

So it’s been your 2 year anniversary of being openly bisexual and with your girlfriend?

How has it worked out? Do you have an arrangement for you to see men? Does she get involved?

Your reply would be really helpful as I’m trying to work out things with my boyfriend.

Cupid

p.s(thanks David for recommending this site)

By: sal

sal — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:32:51 +0000

It’s obvious to me that this is a touchy subject. Even though my wife knew all along about my bisexuality (even before we started dating), it’s always been a difficult thing for her. As you’ve said before, sexuality is evolving all the time, and I definitely feel differently about my bisexuality today that what I used to feel 5 years ago. Also, the way that I express my bisexuality today is different from 5 years ago, and that’s something my partner needs to understand and learn how to deal with (and I’m not even talking about an open relationship!).
I’ve been so terrified of hurting my partners all along this process that I’ve hurt them sometimes. I’ve learned that the only way to avoid this is being brutally honest with myself and my partners, even when it’s only confusion that I have to share.

By: bitheway

bitheway — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:08:26 +0000

Hi Jamie

Its always good when you can do that, but I think a lot of guys find themselves in a relationship, when they have that Eureka moment. So often when you first come out, its not possible to have told your girlfriend up-front, simply because you didn’t realise what your bisexual feelings meant at the time when your started dating.

David

By: Jamie

Jamie — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:56:00 +0000

I always make sure and tell ‘em right off the bat. And I never, ever apologize for it.

By: madame

madame — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:59:49 +0000

I would agree that in both case scenarios communication should not die out. But what if your boyfriend kept it a secret for a couple of years and then decides to tell his girlfriend, I can imagine her being hurt and a bit recentful for the fact that he’s known her for so long, yet hold out a couple of years just to figure out if he was indeed bi or not.

Not only is he expecting her to accept and respect him but he’s ignoring her feelings in the process, regardless of how much he says he loves her and enough to tell her about his secret. At some point she was willing to give it all up for him, just find out a few years later that he’s bi and that he had no intention to settle down with her.

I think that this might be a bitter pill to swallow for someone and that at no point should a person’s feelings change towards each other. But, and I say this with very much love, it does not add up to the hurt and pain a person goes through when the person they loved turned around and said: “I’m sorry but I just don’t think I’m the man you’re looking for. I’ll always be your friend.”

By: bitheway

bitheway — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:02:39 +0000

Glad to be of some help.

I should point out (for the sake of search engine optimisation) that this entry applies equally for those who discovered their husband is bisexual, just as much as it applies to unmarried couples.

By: Kid A

Kid A — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 14:56:14 +0000

Thank you for this! My situation was “Case A,” how apt that I read this on the 2-year anniversary of coming out to my girlfriend.