May 08 2008
The bisexual threat
According to my gay friend who thinks of himself as a bit of gay rights activist, bisexuals are (quote unquote) “a threat to the gay community because they undermine the cornerstone of gay political activism”. Namely that people can’t help being gay, they are born that way. Yet bisexuals come along and mess that right up because they “choose to sleep with both men and women”, so consequently the whole notion of sexuality as a choice is brought right back onto the table, thus undermining gay rights.
This to me was reminiscent of a friend of my mothers who (without knowing I was bisexual) declared. “I can understand gay people being gay, they can’t help it, they were born that way. But I have no time for bisexuals, they are all just perverts because they can clearly help who they sleep with.” I hasten to add that this is from a women who thinks: “All Muslims should go home” and that “nig-nog” is an acceptable word to describe black people.
Isn’t bi-phobia great? We get in stereo. Maybe soon it’ll be available in Dolby 5.1 Surround Sound or perhaps one day we’ll get our old memories of bi-phobia digitally remastered in THX. No, on seconds thoughts scratch that, its bad enough the way it is now.
For the record, can I just say, that I can no-more help being attracted to both genders than a straight guy can help being attracted to women. The only choice involved is to ignore the nagging feelings of guilt and self-repression, feelings which really shouldn’t be there in the first place, but are there because society tells you to be straight, and if you can’t handle that, then the gay community tells you to be queer. Well screw that, that isn’t who I am. I’m not straight, I’m not gay - I’m something else and if that isn’t OK with you then tell it to someone who gives a damn cos I really don’t want to hear it any more.
What is this obsession with nice neat boxes all about? Straight - Gay, black white? I’ve dealt with the theory but the reality is a real ball ache.
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hello
just wanted to leave greetings and my expression of agreement with what is said in this article. am bisexual myself, have outed myself as such (like the description “am not straight, am not gay”).
cheers from berlin
matthias
Hi Matthias,
Thanks for your comments, you might also like the definition of bisexuality I tabled in this article:
http://www.bitheway.co.uk/2008/05/08/bisexuality-whats-in-a-label/
“bisexual = not monosexual”
Really that’s all that needs to be said.
Being bisexual male, I find many gay men to be a threat to my bisexual life style. Many gay men are no better than the bible thumping preacher, preaching hell and damnation for all non-heterosexuals.
If I don’t fit in there preconceived idea of being either gay or heterosexual. Many don’t believe that a man can truly be happy in a sexual relation with a man as well as a woman.
Well I can and do enjoy sex and friendship with both men and women!
Thanks for your comments Pobept - don’t forget if you enjoyed the site to add us to your social bookmarking links using the buttons above.
“tell it to someone who gives a damn” made my day. Hells yes!
I agree with you on all what you have discussed, but i have of yet to be treated in such a way. that is to be cast off by homosexuals for not choosing a side. Oh, and you all may agree no matter if you have a giving family or a blind, deaf, and dumb (rather, not the conditions, but rather the emotions) family, it was hard enough to come out, but then to have someone who as well had such troubles, treat you with disdain when you say your Bisexual.
This is my gripe with the whole “genetic dick sucker” thing. I can understand the (political) urge to latch on to a scientific explanation for a marginalized sexual desire, especially in the effort to be recognized as a minority, but it’s really only another means to socially pressure people to buy into the gay/straight dichotomy. If we’re told during our formative years that we’re genetically gay or straight–and I’m sure many of us 20ish-30ish aged folks were–then it’s just that much more incentive to try and suppress those sexual desires that don’t fit the “good” sexuality. Plus, the “gays can’t help it” argument does nothing to corrupt the notion that homosexuality is bad. All it really says is that you can be born bad.
Oh, and Lord help us all if it is purely genetic. They’ll have a cure for non-heterosexuality before they even get a clue about cancer.