May 06 2008
Sex versus Sexuality
I identify myself as bisexual, though I fully expect that the following revelation will lead to a lot of people questioning my self-identification. You see whilst I’ve had sex with several female partners, I’ve yet to have sex with a guy.
Bombshell? Perhaps not, I suppose that a lot of people would simply consider me ‘bi-curious’ rather than ‘bisexual’, but I’d disagree and here’s why:
A straight virgin is still straight. It doesn’t matter that he’s never had sex with anyone. He’s still straight. Agreed?
You see, to my mind, sexuality is about who or what you are attracted to, not where you put your dick.
I know I have the capacity to be attracted to either gender, and I don’t need to prove that attraction by having sex with everyone I date. I’m certainly not going to feel pressured into proving my bisexuality by heading out to the local gay-cruise zone just to get myself laid.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m keen to explore homosexual relationships, but only with the right person. I’m not going to jump into bed with the first guy I meet… Well I might, but if I do, it’ll be because we share a deep emotional understanding, not because I’m desperate to pop my anal cherry.
I’m bisexual, I’m confident and comfortable with that label and I’m happy to claim it, because I know I find myself attracted to both men and women. That alone makes me bisexual. I reject the bi-curious label because that implies a degree of uncertainty on my part, and I’m not in the slightest bit uncertain about my feelings.
I’m just waiting for the right guy… or girl for that matter.
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6 Responses to “Sex versus Sexuality”
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Well said. Being bi can be a real bummer. I can’t recall ever see a strange man that I was sexually attracted to. I have been sexually attracted to few men and always after we have become good friends and know each other as well a a man ever knows another man.
When I do become attracted to a man, the feelings are almost over whelming, I sometimes can’t think of anything except how much I want to have sex with this guy but don’t dare approach him as he has now shown any sexual interest and I do not wish to loose a friend.
Do you really think that male-to-male sex will entail “popping your anal cherry”? Well, that’s going a bit far, pretty fast.
Men do many different sexual things together. For example, I’ve found the old saw about men knowing how to give better blowjobs than women to be about 90 percent true. Some just like to watch each other masturbate. Some are 100 percent “tops” who would never allow themselves to be penetrated, and others are “bottoms” who really enjoy it.
I’m sure there are many gay and bi men who would be quite happy to be your first sexual partner and show you the ropes on your own terms if you wanted.
Lol – it was actually poetic license. My “anal cherry” has already been “popped”, but that was during a straight encounter.
Personally I switch, I’m a top or a bottom, but casual sex has never been high on my personal agenda. Yeah OK it happens, but it doesn’t bother me if I don’t get laid every week or every month for that matter.
What’s I don’t need to be taken by the hand and shown how everything works (though I wouldn’t say no), after all, I know how all the equipment works and I’ve never been shy about sexual experimentation.
I wonder if people with strong bisexual feelings stay virgins longer than other folks? I know I waited quite a while to do the deed (with a man or a woman) because of that sometimes gay, sometimes straight feeling. Bisexuality hasn’t been very visible for long, and they’ve been telling us for decades you’re born either straight or gay. It’s very confusing for those of us who have strong hetero and homo feelings. When other guys were getting laid, I was sitting at home trying to figure out who I should be getting laid by.
@RTJ – Wow. I had a similar experience as you. I was/am a virgin and didn’t have any experience with either sex to validate or affirm my sexuality whatever it was (which at the time I thought was important).
i was confused by my fluctuating feelings for men and women. I didn’t know if I was just “bicurious” or really bisexual. but I didn’t rush into any relationship and “experiment” and use someone. Instead I waited as I figured out my sexuality and, in your words, who should I be getting laid by.
I now know and am confident that I am bi. thanks to queer and bi bloggers/posters [like bitheway] I now have a better understanding of bisexuality…and myself.
So I’m single and want to build an intimate relationship with a special someone. I lean towards women right now but if that changes and/or if I never slept with a women, I am still bi…and vice versa.
I am a 20 y/o bisexual virgin. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I make friends easily and can tell that people enjoy my company, but I have a hard time pursuing guys because I am afraid that it will limit my chances of having a relationship with the kind of girls I am attracted to, and I have a hard time pursuing girls because I feel like I’m half lying to them if I don’t tell them about my sexuality. It’s kinda like a catch 22. Being bi doubles the options but restricts the chances.